Hard to believe that a year ago today, I had my egg retrieval as we began the journey of creating two embryos for Brenda to carry! I sit here and sometimes think it doesn’t even seem real. Yet it feels like it was yesterday. I will never forget that day! So much excitement and so much anticipation for the upcoming days – to see if two fertilized, having them implanted in Brenda, and then to find out she was pregnant. What a crazy time.
What a different chapter of life we are in. I look at last year, and though I feel that is a whole book of it’s own, I feel it was just another chapter of the story God has written for our life. I never imagined we would be where we are today. Though I never imagined having the possibility of having our own children either. What a miracle that was and what a miracle it still is.
We are just in a different chapter.
I sometimes feel as if people think we live this unrealistic life. I suppose maybe it is. To some, we are living “the life.” We don’t have kids, we don’t have the stresses that kids bring, we don’t have these 80 hour work weeks, and on and on. You are right, we don’t. I don’t work full-time, in which being my age and having no kids, is odd. Yet I look at the past how many years of our marriage, and me working part-time, was what we felt was best for us and for what we wanted to do in youth ministry. It was the perfect balance and it was busy, to be quite honest!
Now having moved, we are still finding that “new” normal. Yes, I will be starting my new job next week (which I am quite excited about), but it is part-time. Again, by choice. The thing that is different is for almost a year, we were planning what our life would look like with kids. A life that is more “normal” to people our age. God had a different idea.
Some may think well, just adopt to make your life more “normal.” Dan and I have heard this thought a few times: adoption is not the cure for infertility, but a cure for childlessness. Adopting a child right now would not cure our pain. It would not cure my inability to carry children. It has only been less than a year. We just need time. We need time to start a new normal. We need time to continue into this new chapter in our lives.
This new chapter in our life is exciting. Dan is growing in SO many ways in his new position! I get so excited when he comes home to hear how his day went – all the new things he is learning, the growth challenges, and just how God is using him. We are very eager to start a new youth group “season” in just a few short weeks. We have just adored getting to know the kids – they are SUCH a HUGE blessing in our life! Teens always are, but as we get to know them, we just love them that much more! Of course I am biased, but I think Dan is such a REAL person – relationships to him should never be fake, but be built on trust, love and respect. I see him playing that out in so many ways – he is just such a genuine person (wish you all could meet him :)).
This new chapter is exciting for me as well. I have had the joy of creating an organizing blog that I am very passionate and excited about. It has taken a LOT of time, but that is what God has given me. It is something I have prayed over – often – and still feel God nudging me to keep pursuing. I have met some incredibly people through blogging – a journey I NEVER expected to walk down, but am loving every moment of it. It may seem “unrealistic” to some, but it is the time of life God has us in. He knows exactly why our children are with Him. He knows exactly why it is just Dan and I. We are still learning how to make the most of the time God has given us, but we know in His perfect plan, this is EXACTLY how He wants our life to be.
So though our life is so different from many people our age, we all have different chapters in our lives. I sometimes feel we have to defend why we are in the stage of life we are in, but the journey to where we are today, was filled with deep grief and heartache, yet some of the most joy-filled times too. Dan and I will be the first to admit that we don’t have all the answers as to why, but we are eager to continue this journey. To continue this new chapter.
We serve a God of new beginnings. A God who gives us a brand new morning everyday. A God who is watching over our every step, both past and present. We feel so loved by our God.
We are blessed beyond measure.