You know those moments when God puts a song on the radio, just for you?
You know those moments when someone sends you a text or message, not having a clue about what’s going on, but it landed right where it needed to? At just the right time?
You know those moments when God shows up on time? ALWAYS?
Well, that is what is happening in my life. Right now.
If I’m honest, I’m a little overwhelmed. Not with the activity of life, in fact I’m enjoying the pace of life right now, but the feeling of having so much to think about that it’s hard to make sense of it all. I hesitated to even write this post, only because as a reader, you’ve got to wonder, what in the world is going on over there? The Sterks have got to get it together! Don’t worry, I sometimes wonder the same thing. But I decided to share because that’s who I am. I’m a no-secrets, open book person. So I’m going to continue “the book.”
Changes, changes, changes. I’m kind of a routine type gal. I can be pretty spontaneous, but give me my routine back after those moments and I’m one content chica mo-nica. This whole heart stuff has just got me like, “WHA?” In all seriousness though, my mind is all over the place and all I know is that it doesn’t know what to think, if it even CAN think at times!
Yesterday I received a call that my electro physiology appointment was bumped up to Friday. I was a bit surprised by the phone call, considering that I was waiting for another call from Michigan, not related to this. I was on the waiting list, so I figured that was the case, but the mere fact that she told me they already have me down for that time, created some alarm in me.
About an hour later, I received another phone call, with results of my holter monitor. I first have to say, sometimes I wondered why another monitor, but again, Michigan has proven to me that they know what they are doing. In May, my PVC burden (how many extra beats I have) was 8%. Not terrible. Well, this past test showed that my burden is 14%, which is almost double. This would explain why I haven’t felt great over the past while and why I’m becoming more symptomatic.
So, there is a bit of a sense of urgency to get something implanted into my heart, hence the call to move up my appointment (won’t get something implanted quite yet). Because of that rate and all of the other issues I am having (low blood pressure, high heart rate, low ejection fraction (how much blood is pumped out of heart with each beat)), they are wanting to get an ICD/pacemaker implanted soon. Also, due to my rhythm issues, they have also prescribed an anti-arrhythmia medication, which is what they were hoping they wouldn’t have to do. Unfortunately this is a medication I cannot be on long-term, due to the fact that it can effect your lungs, liver, thyroid, and eyes. Needless to say, I’d like to keep all of those organs and body parts intact, so I’m hoping I don’t have to be on it long. Though my heart is in need of it, so they now have to go this route. They were hoping to do one of the 3 options, but now they are looking at doing ALL 3.
It honestly feels like a lot of punches. Granted it is nice to know that I’m not making my symptoms up in my head, that I truly am getting worse, but it’s not always easy to hear that the very organ that runs your body isn’t doing great.
But let me tell you, God is ALWAYS ON TIME.
So in early September, when I went to the ER, I received a text from a friend who felt the nudge to pray that morning. Little did she know I was sitting in the ER, waiting to be transferred back to Michigan.
More recently, I received some texts from another friend of devotionals she had read, that she felt compelled to share with me. Little did she know, that it was exactly what I needed to hear that day.
Then the offers to take Mazy or help around our home. Help that I know I need and humbly accept, knowing I just can’t do this on my own. I’m terrible at asking, but if it’s offered, well, God knew I needed it!
Then this week a dear friend told me she felt prompted to pray, so she spent time lifting our little family up in prayer. Little did she know that it was the day I found out about all of these new heart developments.
And meals. What a gift, my friends! When you sometimes can’t stand or do things for long periods of time, having a meal prepared, that you know was made with so much love, is an incredible help!
I am sure not walking this journey alone. To know that God is surrounding us with a cloud of witnesses and cheerleaders, makes me feel like I’m running this race, but have everyone saying “you can do it!” The timing? RIGHT on time. Do I always understand it at the time? Absolutely not. But when I can see God’s faithfulness time and TIME again, how can this NOT increase my faith and trust in Him? Despite all of the ups and downs, God truly has proven Himself as a God of love, care, compassion, and perfection.
I was worried how I was going to pull of Friday’s appointment with getting there and finding someone for Mazy, but BAM, just like that, it was all taken care of. God already had it all planned out. And like my mom said, “He always does!”
How can I NOT believe? Yes, I get overwhelmed. Yes, this is a bit much at times. It’s a lot to process and accept. My tears fall. But as I hear my sweet daughter pray at night with no promptings, time and time again, “And God, please heal mommy’s heart” as she stops midway to give me the biggest squeeze around my neck, I can’t help but praise God for this little girl who models the faith I need.
Thank you for the prayers. I know this is a roller coaster and you might wonder, why can’t they all just get this figured out? Well, my body isn’t responding to what has been done and it keeps revealing new symptoms. It’s a tricky one and that’s been the story of Kristin’s life. But I am truly in the best hands at Michigan and like I said before, GOD’S hands. We knew it was going to be a journey yet – didn’t expect it to look like this, at all, but God always shows up, RIGHT ON TIME and that is what we are going to keep trusting!