Sometimes the last person I can give grace to is myself. I am a whole lot more patient with others, than myself. One thing heart failure has taught me is that I can’t control how I feel. I suppose to a certain degree I can, with what I do and eat, but I can’t control when nausea kicks in. I can’t control when I have lost all energy and can do nothing but lay down. I can’t control when my blood pressure goes low and for someone who likes to DO things, this has been a true test this past week. Being put on a new med, that in the past has helped to prove tremendously, but waiting for it to kick in, has taken a lot of patience and grace – with myself. But as with every trial and hill we battle in life, there are always lessons to be learned! And this week was filled with those lessons!
Mazy is a girl after my own heart! She LOVES to do word searches – but instead of “word” searches, she likes to search for a certain letter, which wasn’t my idea, but hers. Great way to practice letter recognition:
On Wednesday, I headed down to Shipshewana with some ladies from our church! Instead of reinventing the wheel, here is what a little blurb of what I posted on social media, describing the trip:
This isn’t how I envisioned my my life. Having to ever sit in one of these before the age of 85. On Wednesday, several ladies from our church went to Shipshewana, and it was going to be a hot and steamy day.
A friend had mentioned renting an electric wheelchair and I thought no way, I don’t want the judgments. But seeing the weather forecast of real feels in the mid-90s and high humidity, if I wanted to go, I had no choice.
And ironically I was just having a conversation with someone about living unashamedly. I swallowed my own pride. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone and I wanted to write in sharpie advanced heart failure patient across my forehead, but I embraced it and am so thankful my friend had thought of the idea!
I just never thought it would be me. It’s hard to sometimes see a picture like this because this isn’t how I pictured my life. Yes, I grieve what “could” be. But I know God’s plans are so much bigger. I know God’s dreams for me are so much grander than my own. That’s why I’m trying to release the expectations of myself to Him, and allow Him to be my standard and example. Not myself.
But it’s hard. Then I see the pic with friends around me and I can’t help but think of all of the family and friends who have supported us in countless ways. It’s a picture of heaven, really. Walking hand in hand, and I get a front row seat.
For supper, we went to the Blue Gate Restaurant, which is a place I’ve always wanted to go to! What a YUMMY place:
I’m sure Mazy would LOVE this place!
One morning Mazy and I decided to go to the Critter Barn…first time this summer! It was the perfect day, very few people, and the perfect temperature! This girl seriously needs a pet…
Maybe a cat?
Or chickens ;)?
And when Mazy steals mommy’s phone…
While at our town’s peddler’s market, I saw this grand idea for sensory bins. Shhh…Mazy is getting one for Christmas, but there was a smaller one with play-doh, and I thought huh! Something I could totally make at home! Just put a little glitter in homemade play-doh, add some beads to it, and get some little feathers. This girl is all about sensory experiences, and I must say, this one has been a HUGE hit!
And don’t forget…
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