How can I be smiling? Because God is just SO GOOD. Day 1 in the hospital and can I just tell you, I can already see God’s mighty hand in the littlest of details?
I had an early morning appointment in Ann Arbor, which meant we had to leave at 5:45am. Mazy woke up before we left and it was a tearful goodbye for the both her and I. I completely lost it when I got in the van and just had to walk out of the house before I became a blubbering mess. But when Dan left the house after me, she had no more tears, but just snuggled with my mom until she was ready to go back to bed. And the rest of the day? NO TEARS. My faithful friends, THIS is what answered prayers look like. This is such a vast difference from previous stays and it truly is only God! May the rest of the days look like this – and I have confidence and hope that they will.
While at my appointment, they were already 1 hour behind, but again, it was all in God’s perfect timing. Because of that, I not only met with the physician’s assistant (who my appointment was with), but also my doctor stepped in to talk about “the plan.”
It does not make sense why I am so short of breath. It doesn’t seem like it’s heart failure and it doesn’t seem to be because of my extra beats (PVCs). So what is the reason? We all have no clue. All we know is that it is very evident I struggle to talk and breath at the same time, and that something is causing this, considering it’s a symptom I’ve never experienced before.
We are hoping that through a cardiac work-up this coming week, something will show up, so that it can be treated. If nothing shows up, unfortunately there is nothing more that they can do, and we will start walking down the transplant route. That would be down the road and by all means, not in this next week. Both heart teams are exhausting their options and we want to hit all the options we can before we go that route. Though, both doctors are also realistic about what’s going on and nothing has proven to help.
I could tell my doctor wasn’t sure how we would take the news, since he was the doctor who hadn’t mentioned it before, but my heart failure doc had. But because Dan and I have known this to be an option, the further down the road of heart failure we go, we were prepared. And we are at peace. And that, is only a peace that God can give! No matter what happens, He knows. He walked before us. Like a friend reminded me, He knew from the beginning of time and paved the way – we just have to walk the road. Incredible comforting.
So it was a long wait today for a bed. We got to the hospital mid-morning and a bed wasn’t available until after 4. I sure got a lot of reading done (read a whole book), but let me tell you, it was worth the wait! I HAVE A PRIVATE ROOM! That may not seem like that huge of a deal, but if you know what my previous roommate experiences have been like, I could write another book, if that says anything. This is such an incredible gift. When the nurse called to tell me that a room was almost ready, and that it was private, I literally started to tear up and thanked her profusely! It meant that much. So now I can rest in peace and just concentrate on my health, and not constantly worry about my surroundings! My view:
I’m ready to go. It’ll be a busy next week filled with numerous tests, and I do have to mentally prepare myself for them because it can get to be a bit much sometimes. I struggled thinking about it all this morning, but now that I’m here, it’s go-time. And I know with GOD’S strength, I can do it. I can do nothing on my own, for my own efforts will fail me. But when I keep my focus on Him, I’m telling ya, it just makes life so much smoother and manageable! Can you relate?
I share this in hopes that you see how our God answers prayer. We are surrounded by such an amazing team of brothers and sisters in Christ, and your prayers are being heard. They are making a difference. I sit in the quiet of my room, away from the chaos, and that in and of itself is an answer. Thank you.
One last picture. When I couldn’t physically carry my own bags after Dan left, he brought me a wheelchair and honestly, it was another small gift. What a fantastic idea on his part! Seems so small, but it was a worry I had lost sleep over…