Dan put it well today “we are becoming really good at juggling a lot of things at one time and finding ways to make them work.” What he was referring to was our schedule this weekend b/c it was absolutely crazy til about 2 hours ago. Now we have nothing on the schedule, which feels so good. Our bodies are beat. Dan meant what was physically going on in our lives. I thought about what he said more often today and it means more to me than just the schedule in our lives. We have had to juggle so much in our emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical life, but God continues to help us find ways to “make it work.”
That juggling is well described in the cliche “when it rains it pours”. I have felt that rain so much in the past few months. Some days it pours with tears, others with things going wrong, yet they also pour blessings. As I reflect on the week and now I have time to just to sit, I am thankful for today. This past week was filled with so many tears, so many frustrations, throwing my hand up in the air, and just wondering why. But today I think I am a stronger person because of it all. I need to grieve every part. Everyday I am faced with the “what could be’s” and the “how we will never haves.” But God sees these feelings as “what can be” and “how we will have” and He will make this work. I still have a hard time grasping the concept that we will “have something better” because what we thought that “better” was, was taken away. But God wants us to have life and have it to the full (John 10:10b). As I’ve said numerous times…He has our best interest. I just don’t always fully grasp that in my own heart.
Amidst all the juggling, one thing that God has really protected us from is Satan getting into our marriage. I feel Dan and I’s marriage is stronger than ever b/c it’s been tested. It’s been hard – going through grief with someone is not easy, especially when you deal with situations differently, and b/c it’s something so personal. But at the end of the day, we both feel God’s blanket of protection b/c our love for each other I think has never been greater. When Dan was gone at squirrel camp (right after we found out about the kid situation) I never had missed that boy so much in my life. Grief has brought us closer together – it has helped us understand each other better. It has helped us love one another more. That is a blessing. Dan is rational – sometimes I’m not :). When I have a very weak day, he is often strong. When he’s having a bad day, I am usually having a better one. God surely knew what He was doing when He brought us together.
We are becoming better at juggling all the road blocks put in our way. There are many reasons why, but it’s God who offers that bulldozer to plow them down and for that I am thankful.