A new day. Monday. I was looking forward to today since yesterday b/c yesterday was hard. I woke up thinking it’s a new day! A new day for new adventures. A new day with renewed thoughts. That’s what it has been so far. I worked this morning at church and then head to the bookstore soon for the rest of the night, for which I’m thankful. I talked with my dear mom this morning and it was comforting. We both were saying we don’t understand; this could all be so different if the sequence of events happened differently (like if doctors would’ve found this earlier). But if this wasn’t found, I would’ve probably kept playing basketball. Instead, I had to quit. I started to get involved in ministry. That led to a passion for ministry which led me to Reformed Bible College. That’s where I met Dan. God surely had a purpose in that. Pain is hard. Losing something is hard. But she reminded me that God has something even better in store for us. What if I knew what that was? She said sometimes if we would know, we would dread it. She mentioned if I would’ve known back then that we would have to deal with this, we would dread every day and every year – how true! Though we always knew this would be a possibility to not have kids, we always had that hope. But I’m thankful that I had hope for 10 years and 4 1/2 years of hope with Dan. Yes we lost one hope, but new hope is coming. Now we get to hope for something better, whatever that is. There is just something about talking with my mom that offers peace. Yeah I started to tear up and she the same, but she hurt b/c I hurt. We hurt together. I do not have to go through this alone!
This will take time. This will take heartache. But like my mom said, if I knew I had to have surgery in 2 years, I would dread it. We don’t know when the next surgery is, and for that I need to be thankful. God is showing us one piece of the puzzle at a time. There is just a lot up in the air for Dan and I and it’s hard to even grasp, but we know where we are today, and that is in the loving arms of our Father who does not let one thing go by without Him knowing or caring.