That is what Dan and I said as we processed the results of my CT scan. We are one step closer to the joys of trying to get pregnant. The joys of being earthly biological parents. The joys of parenthood. The nurse called and said that there is no narrowing of the left coronary artery, that the connection is good, and she gives her 100% blessing.
Tears of joy.
To be told such positive news after 13 years of results that only told of my heart getting worse, it is only God’s divine power, plan, and purpose, that brings us here today.
Where does this leave us? Overflowing with joy and excitement. We now get to experience the joy of trying to have children. The joy of dreaming of children. The joy of planning. We remember the joys of planning for 2 babies – though it felt overshadowed with the pain of Dan’s job situation. Now less than 2 years later, we are living a completely different life, but a life filled with such beauty.
Dan has often said to me since last Thursday, that God brought us to Minnesota for a healing of the heart – in more ways than one. To begin to describe to you what we are feeling, is where we find ourselves speechless. If someone would have told us that God would heal my heart enough to the point where we could have our own children and that He would couple that with a healing of our spiritual hearts, we may have laughed. Now sitting here experiencing both AT THE SAME TIME, again, brings us to tears. How I have tears left sometimes, I don’t know.
My tears are a pouring out of God’s grace in our lives – a release of burdens held onto for 13 years. A letting go of our past. Moving forward from our losses, while letting them continually teach and mold us into the people we are today. Tears of relief, humbleness, and recognition that this is more than we ever deserve. We only hope that God’s story through all of this, only draws people closer to Him, as we are just His instruments, walking the path He has paved for us.
So we rejoice. I had received the phone call while at work, and a few minutes later I found myself walking alone and I did a little skip of excitement. If anyone saw it they probably thought I was weird (wouldn’t be the first time), but I just couldn’t hold in my excitement.
We recognize that since we have been so open about this process that everyone will wonder when I am pregnant. Some may think that is getting too personal and that it’s nobody’s business, but we see it as an opportunity to tell of what God is doing – how He is moving – how He is real today. Dan and I both said we want to share the good news because it’s GOD’S news; God is the knitter of life. We pray God’s will be done.
We have been so blessed by everyone who has prayed for this opportunity for us – I truly believe it has been the prayers of EVERYONE, that has led us to this point in our life. We know that the road ahead will have it’s own joys and challenges, but we are one step closer. It’s one step in the direction God desires for us. One step further in the process.