Questions. Questions require answers. Questions have emotions in them. The Bible is filled with people who have questions. Questions about who God is. Questions about callings. My life is no different. My questions have the emotions. What if I never had a heart condition? Why now? What is the next step? Why would God take away the privilege and blessing of having our own? Yesterday I asked Dan if God maybe thought that we wouldn’t be good parents? Most would say, whatever Kristin, he wouldn’t think that, but it’s just a question that goes through my head.
I have a lot of questions.
Yesterday I just brought all this up to Dan and God has blessed me so richly with a man who thinks rationally, thinks “big picture” and thinks what’s best for us. When I asked Dan that question above, He asked who does God think our kids are? What if we wouldn’t be as good of parents – to our youth group kids, if we had our own? He had a very valid point. If we were parents of our own, we would surly not be able to invest as much time as we do in our kids now. We wouldn’t be able to have random times for them to come over. I would have to cut way back on how much I’m involved. So yes, maybe God thinks we wouldn’t be as good of parents. Dan said He has given us kids now to take care of and having our own would take away the care we can give them today.
But how do you explain that calling to someone? I can’t explain it. I don’t get it. Why would God say in the Bible to be fruitful and increase in number, and then take that away? Dan reminded me that being fruitful is maybe helping our youth group kids be fruitful in their walk with God. Invest our lives into them to encourage them to live a life worthy of their calling.
What is our calling? We are still trying to figure that out. But Dan said maybe our calling is to help raise our youth group kids. In a way that breaks my heart b/c “it’s just not the same”. But I realize that that IS our calling right now. We do find pure joy in serving our kids. They struggle. They hurt. They need someone to talk to. We struggle. We hurt. We need people to talk to. But why would God choose us? Why would God take away something so ingrained in human nature (having kids)?
Maybe God is bring us through all this, as to better prepare to serve His children. Maybe God is having us struggle so that we can better understand the struggles of others. When our faith is stretched, our faith grows.
Questions. The what ifs. The whys. I can’t answer them all. It’s hard to tell people about our situation b/c they want to answer our questions for us only b/c they don’t want to see us hurt. But we don’t know. We don’t know what God has in store for us. We have so many questions. We know for sure that this is what God wants for us right now.
We do know one answer. That we need to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the author and PERFECTER of our faith. Through all the questions, God is perfecting our faith – purifying us, using us as instruments in His kingdom. Praise God for the promises He does have for us in that nothing happens without it being the will of our Father in heaven! One question, ANSWERED.