Wow, I know, two days in a row for doing the 30 day blog challenge! Really that is nothing to be proud of Kristin :). This one I have been putting off only because it has taken some time to think about. There is a wide range of things I regret, but I know there is hope for the future.
Regret #1 – Realizing that there was more to life than basketball when I was a teenager. I was an odd duck when it came to me as a middle and high schooler! Most girls my age would have pictures of the Backstreet Boys or N’Sync or 98 degrees up, while I had a 7 foot poster of stars in the NBA. I couldn’t WAIT til Thursdays because that is when Sports Illustrated came. Thankfully I got Sports Illustrated for Kids too, which helped. Me and my sister would watch basketball constantly it seemed. Saturdays at noonish couldn’t come soon enough when NBA Inside Stuff was on. We always had a heart for personal stories! I absolutely loved everything about basketball. I wore windpants and tshirts it seemed almost everyday I could in middle school. Why I don’t really know. But looking back, there was so much more to life. Though at that age, I guess it’s good to have something like basketball be a part of your life rather than something else. But when I couldn’t play anymore, I really didn’t know what to do. Still, the thought of what could’ve been goes through my mind. It still makes me tear up to think I had to completely quit EVERYTHING about basketball. Thankfully the coaches let me do the books during my senior year, but I will always miss the what could’ve been. I wonder what my life would’ve looked like if I wasn’t so into it? Would it have been so hard to walk away from it? BUT…on the plus side, and soley because of God and not my own doing, God introduced me to ministry. Because of my surgery I feel, God has me where I am today. So God definitely turned what I saw as a negative, into a 100% positive!
Regret #2 – Being worried. I have to say I am a pretty easy going person and I can get riled up about certain things, but for the most part, often I carry a “I don’t care” attitude. Some things I am pretty passionate about though to say the least. And I guess one of them is being able to answer people’s questions about WHY. Why don’t you have kids? Are you going to have them? Are you going to adopt? Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I DON’T KNOW :). I so wish I would have answers to those questions. I think about those 3 questions ALL THE TIME. And because I think about them, I worry about them. I really regret that. I want to live right now in complete trust, but I regret that I don’t. I so wish I had answers to my (sheesh, I’m tearing up as I say this). But just like EVERYBODY else in this world, we just don’t have answers. One answer we do have, which we were searching for, for so long, is that right now kids is not an option. Surgery right now is the only route we know for sure. That is the answer we have. And that is the only answer we can give right now. I never in my right mind thought this whole process since this fall would be so difficult. I never realized how “odd” we really are :), with not having kids yet. Of course though, we are odd for many reasons :). BUT…though I regret that I worry, I know God is continually molding us and helping us just live one day at a time. He already has our life’s story written out – we just need to follow in His footsteps. Dan and I are really enjoying life right now and I feel we are in a good place so to speak. I feel happy and deep down I truly feel at peace, even though worry surfaces. Dan and I have much to look forward to this year and the years to come.
Regret #3 – Missing opportunities. Do you ever wonder if you missed an opportunity to be “Christ” to someone? I have a very guilty conscience, which I suppose is a good thing. But I can surely beat myself up though. I wonder often if I am doing enough for Christ and living a life that is a complete reflection of His. Does my daily walk with Christ reflect His image? Do I walk with eyes of Christ throughout my day so that I don’t miss opportunities to show His love? I know I have missed opportunities in the past. For example, one time I was at the grocery store and a lady’s credit card didn’t work. She had to leave and go get money. I was right behind her and I struggled in my mind whether or not to pay for her groceries. I saw some things were definitely not necessities, but were things to keep her child from complaining (I saw this lady give her child something for that very reason). So that is what I justified it with – and I justified that I didn’t need to pay for them all. WRONG Kristin, WRONG, I felt! Who knows what kind of day she was having? She was clearly upset her card didn’t work – through one swipe of my card, it could’ve eased her day. It could’ve humbled me, and made HER day. But no, instead I decided to judge what she was buying, be selfish, and just let her walk away even more frustrated. As you can see, that one still bothers me. But it is in that very example that I don’t want to “miss” opportunities. And I regret those opportunities that I have missed.
Praise God that He is a God of complete forgiveness. He knows me inside and out. He knows my heart. I just pray that I continue to use my heart for HIS glory alone!