Sometimes it is so hard to put into words what we are feeling.
Yesterday we started to pack up our house and it was so difficult. At one point we just sat on the stairs and cried. Sometimes it just feels like too much. But we know that this is the best decision financially for us and yes we could make it work, but it would just be putting a bandaid on the fact that we will be moving eventually. At the same time, it was nice to go through some of our stuff and just laugh – like finding the book “The Gas We Pass.” But then we find other things that we were saving for our kids someday. So much of me just wants to throw that stuff away out of frustration (like stuff that I have saved from my childhood to pass on), but we are going to live in hope that maybe one day, we will have kids of our own. So we boxed up those items. Though Saturday was filled with many tears, they felt good to let out. Reality is sinking in, but we are starting to be able to look forward to what God has in store for us.
Today we visited a church where the sermon was on Joseph. Those of you who went to that church probably thought the same – how great that sermon was! A few times I had to fight and fight back those tears, but it’s because the sermon was just so powerful and refreshing. The main focus was on the fact that “the Lord was with Joseph.” Joseph faced temptation, was a slave, prisoner, and then rose to second in command. Though, this took like 20 some years for Joseph to get to the rank he did – especially after being a prisoner and then rising to greatness. Joseph always did the right thing, though God rarely gave him a break. The pastor said that the enemy is constantly fighting against God’s plan. That is what we feel – this constant battle. A battle that just seems never ending. BUT – look at how Joseph ended up! Look at how Christ ended up – He literally ended UP – in HEAVEN.
Dan and I are a little nervous because Joseph had to deal with his deepest struggles for 20 some years – we are PRAYING that the things we are going through will pass sooner than that! We also know that none of this is happening without God’s knowledge. That God is up in heaven taking care of our little ones. What brings tears, yet SO much joy, is that someday we will see them again. Those two little munchkins changed our life drastically (actually it was GOD who did) and we will never be the same. We just need to keep trusting that God will see us through this all as long as we stay close to Him.
The Lord is with us. He has never left us. He will never leave us. We have had quite a few conversations with God about why and why so much, but we know that is what He wants. He wants us to go to Him with all of our emotions. With all of our hearts. We just hope we can be more and more like Joseph!
Please continue to pray for Tim and Brenda too. Though I am the one blogging, this all effects them as well. They too, are grieving. They too, are going through all the ups and downs as well. Please keep them just as close in your prayers. Brenda’s body is still reacting to the miscarriage and is still ridding itself of the hormone, which is not an easy process. Our hearts ACHE to know that she is going through that right now. She has gone through so much for us. It is just humbling, yet it is a helpless feeling. So please keep her and Tim and their family in your prayers.
God has provided such a wonderful support system to us. We spent a wonderful weekend with friends – friends who care so deeply. As much as we want to repay them ALL, we know we just have to accept it, which is hard for us at times. We just feel so loved. Again, what a gift it is to have brothers and sisters in Christ to walk through this with!
Sorry about babbling on…like I said…it’s hard to put into words all of the emotions we are feeling – pretty obvious, huh :)?