I never imagined my life looking like this. I never imagined having 2 babies in heaven, being 3 open heart surgeries in, but also having the most beautiful daughter sleeping soundly in her bed at this moment, with a husband who is my biggest cheerleader.
Even though I couldn’t feel more blessed with the gifts I have right here between our little 4 walls, I know that God has beyond blessed our little family of 3 + 2 with more than we could ever imagine.
I have been reading a book called “How to Help Children Through a Parent’s Serious Illness.” and it has been such a gift to me. I was challenged in many ways, in learning how I could help Mazy cope better, but also encouraged that we have tried several of the ideas in there. But as I was reading it, the basis behind a lot of it too, was having a strong support system. And I just want to take this time to say “thank you”.
I know not everyone reads this blog and I’m SO okay with that. It is a personal journal for me and for anyone who does, thank you for putting up with me. I always try to express my gratitude to those who have walked alongside of us in this journey, but words for me are never enough, due to the fact that I will never be able to repay everyone for their gift of love to us. But I hope in some way, you feel appreciated, thanked, and considered an incredible blessing in our life.
Thank you to those who met us where we are at. Parents, friends, family, our days aren’t always easy. I often get asked if I put on a front and I easily can because I desire to live life as a “normal” person like everyone else. But it’s not normal. So thank you for accepting our unique scenario for what it is. I know it can be heavy, burdensome, and depressing at times. But thank you for bearing the load with us and just accepting us for where we are at and for who we are. I speak on behalf of our daughter too. She truly does love you, even though she may turn her face when she sees you. She loves so deeply! She is just still trying to figure out life, security, and what love means. What she has known to be safe and secure, has been tossed to the wind. So thank you for being patient with her.
Thank you for the physical gifts of food brought and gifts given. I do not find it easy to ask for help, though I often say it’s a work in progress. The number of meals that have been put on our table without me having to spend the energy to make it, the sheer number of surprise little gifts to Mazy on our doorstep, that makes this little girl’s DAY, the monetary gifts that have blown us away, we can’t thank you enough. Not that physical things will satisfy our internal and eternal desires and needs, but they are an expression of the love of Christ and that’s how we see every single one of them. I will never forget the first Christmas after my surgeries, when I just couldn’t shop, buy, or get what Mazy so desired. But the random items that showed up on our doorstep that Christmas, still brings tears to my eyes. And as someone with heart failure, when energy and feeling good isn’t always easy to come by, being able to enjoy a hot meal with my family around the table, is such a gift. Thank you.
Thank you for the emotional support you’ve given our family. Whether it be through texts, emails, messages, words of encouragement, hugs, cards, visits, you name it. Thank you. I often get asked while in the hospital or in a doctor’s office setting, how am I doing so well emotionally, I often say it’s because back on the other side of the state, is an incredible support network. You matter to me. I don’t get a chance to say it enough, but you do. Little messages. Bible verses. Words of love. Support. Prayers sent up. You may not think it will matter, but every little thing adds up to be this heap of support that we feel. Every little piece of support matters. It creates this canvas of love that is immeasurable. And because of you, I can say that we have this incredible support system back home that we know will have our backs through the thick and thin.
Thank you for walking this journey with us. You’ve met us where we are at, but you also continue to walk with us. I wrestle with how open to be about what I’m going through. I don’t want to sound negative, but don’t want to be fake. I don’t want to sound like “oh woe is me…”, but I also want others to know that it’s okay to struggle. I don’t want to sound like I don’t have faith, but I want others to know it’s okay to wrestle. Living with an illness that has no cure isn’t a yellow brick road, so thank you for journeying with us through the ups and downs. It’s been a roller coaster and I often feel the affects of it. But I also know, that as we walk this, there is a God, a true God, who loves us even deeper, who loves us unconditionally, and who has our back, as we journey along.
My prayer is that through this all, that God may be glorified. I just want Him to be known. For his name to be praised and for us all to say, “Blessed be YOUR Name…” even when life situations don’t make sense. If one person’s faith is encouraged, then it’s worth it to me.
And finally, thank you for lifting us up to our heavenly Father. As much as I want to say good-bye to all of these heart issues, I know in reality, that is just a little blip in the road and our focus in all of life, is just to be on God, no matter what comes our way. Thank you for seeking Him, on our behalf. We believe in miracles. But we also believe that God works for the good, even when things don’t turn out the way we want them to. So thank you for seeking THE throne of grace with us, aside from the heart situation. I pray that you continue to seek His throne, His desires for you, and seek to proclaim HIS glory, no matter what happens in this earthly life.
Thank you for supporting our family and for being the hands and feet of Jesus to us. We couldn’t journey on without you!