Believe it or not, this is something I struggle with on a daily basis.
Yes, EVERY single day. Not that I don’t believe my faith will hold or that God isn’t trust-worthy. Not that at all. It’s the mere fact that I let my trust in Him, waiver all too easily.
You may think that after reading A Heartbeat of Grace that I have faith and trust all figured out, but I don’t. In fact, I hope that you see as you read the book, that it was a choice everyday and that it was not always easy. There were times when life’s circumstances were so hard that all I could do was sit on our staircase before we moved in with Dan’s parents and just bawl. Weeping tears. There were other times when our pastor sat across from me as I just uncontrollably cried, telling him I just couldn’t handle the pain anymore. I struggled.
But you know what? It was a choice and still is a choice to make, everyday, to trust the very God who created my inmost being. And I’m not just talking about trusting God when it comes to medical circumstances. I’m talking about trusting God in EVERY aspect of my life. I remember when I saw bills starting to come in, thinking how are we going to pay for this? But God provided. Yup, things get tight, but somehow, someway, the money is there. I’m sure you know the feeling.
How about those days when you wonder how you are going to have one more ounce of energy to get through the day. But then you lay you head down at night and think wow, I made it! Sometimes that in and of itself is a victory! And you know what? His mercies are new every morning. And indeed, I truly believe that because God is trust-worthy. Rest well.
You may wonder how you are going to accomplish what God has set out for you to do. Believe it or not, I used to absolutely dislike speaking in front of people – not that I didn’t want to, but I truly had no air to speak with because those panic attacks would be so overpowering. But God has created me for such a time as this – where He calls, He will equip. And I’m a standing (okay, sometimes I sit when I talk) representation of this.
God’s got a plan and it’s so much greater than our weaknesses.
I write this post, not for you, my readers, but for myself. It’s my declaration that I desire to trust God with EVERY aspect of my life. Not those that are easy – you know, those areas of life that are going well. No, I’m going to trust that God has me in those tough times too because that is what He promises. He loves me too much to not be faithful. He loves me too much to not be trustworthy. And that’s the type of faith and trust I want to reciprocate back to Him.
What area of your life do you struggle to trust God in?