Think about how much time we spend WAITING.
Waiting at a stoplight.
Waiting to fall asleep.
Waiting for brownies to finish baking.
Waiting for the laundry to dry.
Waiting to see what’s next.
Do you ever get sick of waiting? I do. Just ask Dan: I can be VERY impatient! I am a do-er. I am “do it now” person. Procrastination is NOT in my vocabulary. So to sit and wait is not cool. We don’t gel.
But look at where God has us in life. Ironic? No. Divine purposes? Yes.
I am sick of waiting. Waiting to see what’s next. Waiting to see what the rest of our story holds. That is why I am working on just being okay. Being okay with where God has us. I don’t think God wants us to live in this waiting game all of the time – I think He wants us to be content.
Contentment. What does that mean for our situation right now?
A year ago, we were waiting to find out if our carrier was pregnant. Waiting to hear if the process worked. Waiting to hear if we were going to be parents. Even if the two only lived to be a few days old in the womb, we knew we would be parents. We sat and waited.
We are now parents. Parents to children in heaven.
And we wait. But what are we waiting for? I am waiting in angst for nothing. God desires for us to be content – be content in HIS WILL.
THIS RIGHT NOW, is His will. If we keep living for the “next” event, we are saying to God “we don’t trust You – my plan is better – I am going to sit and wait til You show us.” I think there are different types of waiting. Waiting out of distrust in God’s plan for our lives, and waiting in contentment.
I desire to wait in contentment. That is what we are seeking. We are not waiting until God puts it on our hearts to adopt. We are not waiting until God heals my heart. We are not waiting until God reveals this grand plan for our lives. We could be waiting a lifetime. I don’t want to waste my life waiting. God may not even have children of our own (adopted or biological) here on this earth, for us. Truly, He may not. What He DOES have in store for us, is a PERFECT plan, that may consist of something much GREATER than those things listed above. I have a hard time understanding what that may look like. But what I do know, is that the position God has us in right now, is a place where He desires us to have contentment. It is no mistake that He took our children home. It is no mistake that we are on this earth childless. He has a purpose for us right here, right now, right in His Kingdom on earth. We are seeking contentment in that. We would not be in Minnesota if our children were here with us. We would not be with our youth group kids. We would not be going through an even deeper healing process. We want to find contentment in that.
For too many years, we have lived in a waiting process. Waiting to see if I could have my own kids. Waiting to hear test results and getting disappointed time after time. Waiting to hear what’s next. Waiting a year to finally get to the point of having our own. Waiting to hear of a pregnancy. Waiting to hear a heartbeat. And nothing. We serve a sovereign God who knew everyone of those details. Who knew the outcomes. And He continues to carry us along the path He has paved for us.
A path paved with love for Dan and Kristin. A path paved of a desire to just be content in Him and His will for our lives. A path paved with a desire for us to surrender to His calling on our lives. And right now, that is one of just Dan and I. We are learning what it means to be content. We have not arrived. We know we will be walking the healing road for awhile, but we believe in that, we will find contentment.
We are done waiting. We are wanting to embrace what God has given us here. What God is doing in us here. We aren’t waiting. We are ready.