With heart failure, there is no cure.
Heart failure is something I will live with the rest of my life. I suppose I knew that, but I was so incredibly hopeful that after my “first” surgery (second lifetime) last fall, that I would say goodbye to heart issues. But then the second surgery happened and I’ve been looking up the mountain ever since.
Being diagnosed with something that has no cure is no easy pill to swallow – it’s about as bad as my 20meq potassium pills I have to swallow daily. It ain’t easy. But the more I enter into the ups and downs of heart failure and the more I learn about it, the more I realize that God has created our bodies so intricately, and I’m thankful they are of this world and not for eternity!
Last week was a doozy, as each day brought it’s own challenges. My days are filled with taking my blood pressure, watching my heart rate, and constantly thinking – do I feel good enough to go do that? I’ve come to realize that as much as heart failure is a no-cure disease, it is something that you can prevent from getting worse to some degree, but even more so, it’s something that you have to choose each day to conquer.
But that is a decision we ALL face. Not just people with heart failure. Not just people with a debilitating disease. Not just people with cancer. Every day, we have a choice to make – do we choose to make the most of our days or allow the circumstances of life to take us down?
Trust me, I do get down. When Mazy wants to walk to the park and I realize I can’t walk 2 1/2 blocks to get there, but have to drive, it’s frustrating. When Mazy runs into my LifeVest battery pack on the daily, and asks why I need to wear it, I join her in that chorus. To realize that she will grow up her whole life with a mom that has heart failure, isn’t easy.
BUT. Then I hear Mazy’s sweet little heart pray…”God, thank you for Mommy and heal mommy soon.” Tears. Her little faith is growing into something so beautiful, because she sees how God is faithful. What more could I ask for as a parent, but for my very own daughter to see God’s faithfulness? Something I pray she remembers for the rest of her life!
I look at that sweet face, who never wants to leave my side, and thank God for her. She keeps me going. She keeps me fighting instead of wallowing in what is. She looks at me and says, “Mommy, want to play Paw Patrol?” Folks, I’ve got “playing Paw Patrol” DOWN! Noises included! The blue one? That’s Chase. The pink one? Guys, that’s Skye. And I am one blessed momma who can stay at home with her everyday. I am one blessed momma who gets a chance to snuggle those fears away, as her life too, has been turned upside down when mommy has to suddenly go to the hospital. I sometimes think her little 3 year old life has had too many abrupt separations from momma, but I have to remember that God sees and knows about every one of them!
This life isn’t about comfort and ease and God is teaching me that lesson the hard way, as many of you have also experienced. But even as I experience the ups and downs of heart failure, God will conquer this one day! And that is the hope we hang onto. Until then, this girl is going to keep fighting – sometimes it’s by the hour and even minutes, but God is doing something so beautiful through this and it’s just hard to keep silent! So to those who are going through that extra hard day, hang on! Hang onto that hope! It truly will be worth it!