I don’t quite get it myself. How can trials and difficulties LESSEN worry?
I feared. I didn’t think I could do it. I remember when the doctor came in and said that I needed a TEE (a test where a tube/camera is wiggled down your throat/esophagus, to get images of the heart). They were not going to sedate me because I was too unstable, but I told them there was no way I could it without some sort of sedation. What has been deemed as “the swan,” was just installed, while I was fully awake, which is a large IV inserted through the side of the neck and worked it’s way to the heart. Very uncomfortable and after 1 hour, I could not take it anymore. Thankfully my vitals started to tell them that I couldn’t last much longer. But then they wanted to do the TEE?
The nurse inserted his thoughts, knew what I had been through, and knew what I could handle. I started to wonder “am I really going to make it through that test?” I was persistent as well, saying I really wanted to be put out, and now looking back, why did I even worry?
It was after that TEE, that yes, they indeed ended up sedating me for, that my perspective on life and worry somehow turned a switch. During the whole AeroMed ride and even after being told I would need another open heart surgery, I did not worry much. I knew I needed it and there was nothing I could do about it. But then those tests, that tested every part of my being, really put that worry and trust to the test. After the TEE, with my second open heart surgery still on the horizon, I found myself at ease and with very few thoughts of worry. Maybe it was the meds? Maybe it was God? I am going to go with the latter.
When life’s circumstances are up in the air, we have a choice to trust or worry. Speaking as a heart patient, I am learning that worrying about them is going to do no good, except send me into deeper heart trouble. That’s just the physical affect of worry. What about the faith aspect? My faith has never felt deeper, though I admit it hasn’t been because I’ve spent hours and hours in the Bible during this whole ordeal. In fact, I had a hard time reading the Bible because I struggled to mentally comprehend what I read. I read two books, but I unfortunately don’t remember much about them. Is it sad I don’t even remember the title of the second book?
It was the everyday, the day-to-day events of my life, that has grown my faith and has allowed my trials to lessen my worry. When you realize that you have nothing left to hang onto but God, there is no room for worry.
Matthew 6: 25-34:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
If God cares about the flowers of the field and the birds of the air, don’t you think He cares about us too? Our life’s circumstances? The trials that we go through? When He can feel most distant, is often when we need Him most. But are we going to choose to trust or worry?
I am not worry free. I never will be, if I’m honest with myself. But will I let worry stress me out? Will I let worry dictate my life? My body? Looking back at my life, I truly have no reason to worry. God has had my back every step of the way.
Do you allow the trials in your life to increase or lessen your worry? Do you allow the trials to grow your faith or make you take a step back? All we have to do is look out the window and see the birds of the air and the flowers of the field (okay, maybe in Michigan, give it few months…). I don’t think we have much to worry about. The Lord wants to hear our thoughts and worries, but no reason to hang onto them!
God’s got this!