The other night while putting Mazy to bed, she had a hard time falling asleep. I could she had a hard time shutting her mind off, after answering numerous random questions she had asked me.
Then one question/comment really threw me:
“Mommy, do you have to go to the hospital again? I really missed you when you were gone to the doctor. I missed you so much I cried.” She looked up at me and needed/wanted a hug and kiss.
As my eyes started to well up with tears, I tried to get rid of the large lump in my throat, as I embraced her, rested her head in the crook of my neck, repeatedly telling her that mommy does not have to go back and that mommy loves her so so much.
I knew it was time to talk with Dan and tell him that if I ever landed there again, which isn’t off the radar we feel like, that Mazy should come and visit us.
When I came home from my first open heart surgery last fall, we knew Mazy struggled being gone from us. It was evident in her reactions and actions. Dan decided to sleep next to her in her room, since I was unable to get up out of bed in a swift manner, to ensure she was okay when she woke up in the middle of the night. And so that she knew we were there and weren’t going to leave her.
Then hospital stay and surgery #2 happened. We are so grateful for our families who loved her and cared for her during those crazy days! Though when we came home, it was hard. She really struggled with separation anxiety. Dan once again slept in her room, and did so for a month, until things started to improve. We had failed to realize the repercussions all of it would have on HER life.
Have you been through a difficult situation where it really effected your children? What were their reactions? Sometimes children realize more than we give them credit for. Have you been in a similar situation?
As I’ve said before, Mazy feels deeply. She expresses her emotions and feelings very well, which helps us understand where she is coming from. Though hearing her fear in her words of me leaving again, breaks this mama’s heart.
And I’m realizing this is a fear she carries with her. Daily. Separation anxiety.
She was 2 when all of this occurred and she speaks of it like it happened yesterday. A traumatic experience for too young of a child. This makes me just think of the utter beauty God has created in a little child. A child who loves so incredibly deeply, a child that has a much better memory than I do (she often says, “Don’t you remember that Mom?”), and a child who I know God is going to use in tremendous ways.
Do I think I will end up in the hospital again? Not sure, though the heart is not improving. That we do know. But one thing I can do every day is just love this girl to the moon and back, regaining that trust with her, ensuring her that she is loved and cared for, more than she’ll ever know. I feel I could never love that child enough. But I pray that she feels my love for her, is enough.
Have you had a child struggle in a similar way? Does your child struggle with separation anxiety? Would love to hear your thoughts!