I am just as shocked as you probably are.
Yesterday, while I was doing dishes (we do not have a dishwasher), I was thinking about all of the things I had to do. As I was scrambling, thinking about how I was going to get them all done, I took a look at my daughter and decided: it’s time to stop being bound by things that do no matter.
This past weekend, I had the privilege of going on a women’s retreat with one of the churches my husband is a youth pastor at. The topic was “Understanding True Freedom”. Of course, only true freedom can be found in Christ. Though, I found myself feeling bound, feeling “not good enough” or unaccomplished in some areas. I realized that I have a heart issues (spiritually speaking) that I have to deal with:
Being a blogger, I sometimes feel this pressure to make it big. To have this blog that 1000s read. When I had my Organizing Life With Less blog, I spent countless hours developing that website. Though, I would always be envious of those who made it big in the organizing world. I found myself trying to live up to what they were doing. Though it became what I would call successful, I realized after having Mazy, it was taking up too much of my time. It was taking away from her. So, I decided to import all of those posts into this new site: www,kristinsterk.com. I didn’t want to give up blogging altogether, but still enjoyed writing about organizing, but also my personal life, which I can now do here.
Back to envy. I found myself looking at Pinterest, trying to find ways to make our life “better”. At that time, I saw “better” as being able to DIY everything, being able to say I was “that” mom who lived up to the 10 best ways to love your child. Being able to make a 5 course meal for supper, that was Martha Stewart approved. I thought why not? I am a stay at home mom (minus 2 days), so I should be able to do all of these things, right?!
That is where I felt bound. I realized that who I was trying to be was not Kristin, but everyone else. I was on Pinterest looking for a recipe and I realized I didn’t even enjoy what I was doing. I felt bound. Yes, we are trying to eat healthier and more “clean”, but I don’t need Pinterest to tell me how to do that. I need my heart to tell me that.
I became sick of trying to live up to this Pinterest life. This do it all yourself life. Yes, I love to DIY. Always have. Yes, I love to make food from scratch and eat healthy. I would even love to live off the grid someday (okay, call us weird). But I don’t need Pinterest to tell me how. I know how. It’s pretty simple. Don’t buy processed foods (okay, we still buy some!)
Pinterest was taking away from who I wanted to be. I desire to be Kristin. The woman God created me to be, in His image. The woman who God uniquely gifted to live out His mission here on earth. The woman who does not have it altogether. The woman who does envy. The woman who wants to stop being envious of Pinterest and be the woman who is set free from it all.
So I deleted my Pinterest account.
One of the big things I used Pinterest for was for recipes and how to make homemade baby food. The thing is, all of that information I can find on the internet. In fact, it goes directly to the source, instead of having to go through Pinterest first. What I need, is to be Kristin and not worry about who I am not. I honestly was not an avid Pinterest-er, but I am trying to rid my life of the things I feel bound by.
I realized too, that I did not need to pin all these ideas on how to decorate my home. How to throw the perfect party. How to make the perfect gift. How to dress like a celebrity. How to do my hair perfectly. You see, we do not want to spend our money on those things. I am not saying these things in and of themselves are wrong, by all means! Please do not take this the wrong way. I think getting ideas is a good idea! I do it for baby food! Trust me, it’s not like I’m never going to use the internet again to scrounge up an idea for a party or an idea for a dessert. I so will! I just do not need to be bombarded by the options and reminders of what I am NOT doing.
I still dream! Though, Dan and I are about making memories and experiences – through exploring God’s creation. We dream about where we would like to travel to. Where we would like to take Mazy. The experiences we want to have as a family. Those are the things that matter to us.
Someone once said (actually I am sure many have), that when on the death bed, you rarely hear people say that they wish they made more money, had a bigger house, had more clothes, made fancy meals, etc. What you hear them say is that they wished they spent more time with their families and on the things that really matter.
That is the legacy I want to leave.
And in order for me to help live out that legacy, like spending quality time with my family, I had to delete my Pinterest account. Not everyone should. I am NOT saying you should either. Not that it took up all my time (like I said, I wasn’t an avid pinner), but I do not want to be remembered as someone who tried to be someone she was not. I want to be Kristin. A daughter of the King. A wife. A mom. A family.
Now being a mom, I do not have time to do my hair always, wear the perfect outfit (honestly, sometimes yoga pants and a sweatshirt is about as far as I get), or make supper (I am glad Dan likes grilled cheese). And not having time is the BEST time. Because my time is now filled kissing my daughters cheeks. Rocking her to sleep. Reading books to her. Making her laugh. The life I live is how Mazy will see life lived. I do not want her to grow up wishing she was someone she wasn’t. Who she is, is perfect. She is the one and only Mazy Grace! And I want to raise her like that. But that starts with me. It starts with me realizing that I am Kristin. The one and only crazy Kristin.
So what do you feel bound by? What makes you feel envious of others? What is stopping you, from being YOU? Uniquely YOU? What do you need to rid your life of in order to be uniquely YOU?