Today I just started to wonder. I wonder what our life will look like in 1 year? 5 years? 10? The rest of our life? I worked at the bookstore all day and there was a lady with about a 3 year old yelling mama and thought – I hope that mom really thinks about what it means to be called “mama.” She was also carrying another baby. I just found myself watching her and thinking I’m never going to look like that at this point with kids all over me. Strange thought, but then I watched her try to get through a doorway with the kids and it made me chuckle – that’s one blessing I guess – I’ll always fit through a doorway 🙂 (BTW, I did offer to hold the door for her but she declined.)
My other thoughts today? I wondered if this is all really real. Is this really happening to us? I remember thinking a couple years ago and even right before we started this whole process if this would ever happen and I couldn’t even imagine it. I couldn’t even grasp my mind around the fact of not having our own. Now I sit here thinking we are living in that moment. Is it what I thought it would be? I didn’t expect to feel so dumbfounded – meaning wondering if this is just a dream? When I’m in a good mood and I’m talking to someone, I feel I almost need to hit myself and say yes, Kristin, this is real. In a way I see it as a good thing though b/c it’s maybe God’s way of saying it’s aight- I’ve got this Kristin!
Today I also felt very blessed b/c we were given cards, books, hugs, and just shown a lot of love today. I can’t even explain how much those things uplift me! I read cards over and over just b/c I am clinging to God’s promises! A card someone gave me today spoke so true to what I’ve been struggling with all along – the concept of hope. Here’s what the card said:
Packed inside a little word like “hope” are some very big things – anticipation, expectation, confidence, and trust. Because a faithful God is in our future, we can have hope today. Inside the card: He is taking care of every detail along the way.
I love that just b/c I continue to find myself looking for hope in the next test result, the next day, and even just hope for this all to go away. But I have to go back and refocus and put my hope only in God. I am excited to see what God has in store for us b/c at this point, we don’t have a clue!