May 16 – We Will Always Wonder and Remember

Thursday, May 16, 2013.
The day our babies were to be born.

We will always wonder and remember.

We Wonder…

• We wonder why so soon? God reminds us that time is not in our hands.
• We wonder why both? God reminds us, He is the Author of life.
• We wonder why not just a glimpse of an ultrasound? God reminds us faith is unseen.
• We wonder why a year of planning to only say goodbye? God reminds us that hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us (Romans 5:5)
• We wonder why only 3 weeks in the womb? God reminds us that He gave us the gift of parenthood.
• We wonder why we weren’t able to know their gender? God reminds us that all of His children are HIS – gender doesn’t matter.
• We wonder why such pain? God reminds us that He is the God of all comfort.
• We wonder why so many tears? God reminds us that He works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8).
• We wonder why this heart condition? God reminds us that our bodies are not our own, but we belong body and soul, to our faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
• We wonder why the days of utter grief? God reminds us that He walked this path first and we do not walk alone.
• We wonder what our two little ones would have looked like? God reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made – they were created by a perfect God.
• We wonder what life with our two babies here on this earth would look like? God reminds us in Proverbs 16:9 – In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
• We wonder who you would’ve looked like? God reminds us to trust in Him with all of our hearts and lean not our own understanding.

We will always wonder.

We Remember…

• We remember Monday, October 10, 2011, when Tim and Brenda offered this crazy and sacrificial idea to us.
• We remember talking and laughing for hours about what this opportunity would bring
• We remember the day we had our first appointments.
• We remember all of the paperwork we had to fill out so that one day we could hold our babies in our arms.
• We remember falling on our knees so many times in prayer.
• We remember crying out in wonderment and denial as we felt God leading us towards embryo adoption.
• We remember the nights spent with Tim and Brenda, talking about what life would look like before AND after the babies were born.
• We remember talking about story-dates when we would all sit together on a couch and read stories to our little babies.
• We remember discussing what type of parents we would want to be.
• We remember talking about what we couldn’t wait to do with our babies.
• We remember doing all we could, to ensure the process would work (all the shots, appointments)
• We remember the excitement on September 5, when we found out Brenda was pregnant.
• We remember celebrating at Silver Beach Pizza that night with Tim and Brenda.
• We remember going over to their home and just wanting to “touch” them.
• We remember when our nephew decided they should be named Hootie 1 and Hootie 2.
• We remember the day we announced we were going to be parents.
• We remember the excitement we had everyday, knowing we were parents.
• We remember the phone call from Brenda saying that she may have miscarried.
• We remember standing in the ultrasound room seeing a blank screen.
• We remember the day we had to say goodbye.
• We remember the tears.
• We remember all those who walked with us through the pain and grief.
• We remember the gifts God gave us through others, to be able to go on a getaway
• We remember all of the cards, phone calls, emails, hugs, and words of encouragement.
• We will always remember the gift of our families and friends.
• We will always remember the gift of Tim and Brenda.
• We will always remember the gift of our two little babies.

We will always remember.

We still hold onto the bond that we have with Tim and Brenda. Many questioned what a miscarriage would do to our friendship and all we could say was that our friendship with them was not conditional. Never has been. Losing our babies had nothing to do with what Brenda did or didn’t do. Losing our babies was the most difficult time of our life, but we could go through it all TOGETHER. God had a different idea for all of our lives and we continue to trust and believe that this is part of His good and perfect will.

Oh, How He Loves Us…

• God has used our little ones to give us the gift of being a mother and a father.
• God has used our little ones to give us the gift of life.
• God has used our little ones to introduce us to people we would’ve never met, not having gone through what we did/are going through.
• God has used our little ones to increase our knowledge of who He is.
• God has used our little ones to teach us what love is, without ever meeting or holding them.
• God has used our little ones to remind us of oh so many promises in His word.
• God has used our little ones to teach us what unconditional love is.
• God has used our little ones to show us what wonderful gifts family and friends are.
• God has used our little ones to teach us what true trust in HIM, means.
• God has used our little ones to show us what sacrifice can look like.
• God has used our little ones to remind us how beautiful the body of Christ is.
• God has used our little ones to strengthen our marriage and increase our love for each other.
• God has used our little ones to increase our faith.
• God has used our little ones to open our eyes to others who have gone through a miscarriage, infertility, or the loss of a child.
• God has used our little ones to teach us life lessons we will never forget.

Our hope is that through this blog and through our story, that your love for God will only increase. We serve a God who is faithful, true, and sovereign. We do not always understand His ways. We will always wonder. But that is where faith comes in. As we continue to walk this road, we know God has already gone before us. We miss them so much. You may wonder how can we miss two babies whom we’ve never met? We aren’t sure, but our hearts miss them everyday. Tears continue to fall for them, but what a comfort it is to know that we are not only in HIS HANDS, but our children are in HIS ARMS.

Our two little hooties are forever etched in our hearts and we have an inexpressible thankfulness for the gift that they are to us. Though they were on loan to us from God for such a short time, we pray that God will use them to touch other’s lives.