Youth Ministry Conference Part 2 – Brian Berry

Probably the best seminar I went to all weekend was called “As For Me And My Crazy House – Defending My Heart, Marriage, and Ministry From the Demands of Ministry” which was led by Brian and Shannon Berry. First of all, they were really easy to listen to because they were hilarious. We always appreciate couples leading a seminar because it’s nice to see by example how they live life and how they do ministry together. Brian wrote a book with this exact title (seminar title) and we actually got it for free from something so we are excited to read it!

Here are a few things that he talked about:
1. The best gift we can give our marriage is a healthy “me.”
Brian made an interesting point – “failure to care for self, causes 2 to drown.” I think that is SO true! I look at the times in our life where either of us is stressed and it’s just not good for both parties. Making “me” time needs to be a priority. So, what is that one thing that I can do that helps me turn off everything else in life? He even recommended budgeting it in. I think for Dan it is fishing. Fishing and/or hunting is Dan’s getaway. For me, it’s scrapbooking or even just going on a walk/run. When I went on that weekend away scrapbooking, it was incredibly refreshing. Also, Dan and I have learned that little mini-vacations are NEEDED for us. Not just a “nothing on the weekend” vaca, but a LEAVE THE AREA vaca. So, what are we doing the end of April? Heading to Florida again to visit our dear friend Lauren! You may be wondering how we can afford to go to Florida, but lets say if we went to Mackinaw for the weekend, stayed at a hotel, drove up there (with gas over $4.00/gal.), and had to eat out every meal, we would be spending way more money that way than if we just flew to Florida (which we find a good deal on tickets again). So before you judge us, know that we have priced it all out!

He also suggested to find those people you can be the “real me” around. I have to say I have more than one person in my life with whom I can be that. Not that I ever try to NOT be me, but sometimes it’s nice to not have the “ministry” hat on. Not that my actions are different, but my mentality is.

Say “yes” to rest, and say “no” to the world out there.

Boredom is the enemy of a healthy me. Faith without risk is death. I liked this because how many of us get “stuck in the boat” without taking a faith leap? Sometimes say “lets do it!” – see where it leads you.

2. The best gift we can give our family is a healthy marriage.
…Because so much is riding on my marriage. Children depend on your marriage – if it starts to go sour, look at all who it effects. Don’t delay on fixing issues!

Say no to roommate mode. Say yes to marriage mode. Life is driven by a to-do list – how much of your day is driven by this? Sometimes I can get so focused on what needs to be done that I don’t take time to just sit and talk with Dan.

Revisit this question: “why did we get married in the first place?” It was interesting to hear him say a lot of people get divorced at 50ish or so because the kids are gone. The husband and wife have to live life together again. Life was focused on the kids – now they have to focus on their marriage and for some it’s just too difficult. That is why keeping your marriage as a priority is so key.

Unite and accomplish instead of divide and conquer. This was an interesting concept to me because this kind of goes against our culture. Isn’t the goal typically to get as much done as possible in as little time as possible? Brian encouraged us to have a SHARED mission. Yes you can have a shared to do list, but make the mission the same. I think Dan and I have had to learn that quickly with the position he is in. We have had to make sure we were both on the same page with WHAT our mission was and then make sure that what we do only reflects what that mission is. I think EVERY marriage should have a shared mission – what is yours?

3. The best gift we can give our community and ministry is a healthy family
    Say no to the multi-tasking myth. Especially when it comes to relationships. Brian had a good point – there is no such this as multiplication, but there is division when it comes to this. You are only just dividing up yourself. When you are talking on the phone and then trying to do something else, you are not giving yourself 100% to one thing – you are only giving PART of yourself. I must say multi-tasking is something I definitely do all too often – I have to be careful!

Move from provide and protect to equip and empower as a parent. Granted Dan and I aren’t there yet, but we look at this from a ministry perspective too. We need to work ourselves out of the job of “parenting” or in our case, as help kids facilitate their own faith growth. Game day is them owning it.

I really enjoyed this seminar! When I go to the youth ministry sometimes Dan and I will split and go to separate seminars – often I will go to a family/marriage/spouse seminar. I think that is my social work side coming out too though. Because of the events of the tornado, I did not want to leave Dan’s side (I know, kind of strange) so we went to all of the seminars together. In a way it was nice though because we were able to talk about what we learned from them and have the same frame of reference. I would HIGHLY recommend reading Brian’s book! If you live in our town, I can order it for you if we don’t have it in stock. Even though we heard about this book at a youth ministry conference, I think there is a LOT of valuable information for ANY parent in ANY situation. We get so caught up in what is going on around us that we forget that we need to care for ourselves, our marriage, and then we can move forward. If those areas aren’t taken care of, our effectiveness will decline.

Hope you learned a little bit too.