Our Jordan River

This past week I’ve taken a look at my life and wondered what God has in store next. I feel like I’m in this “lull” of the unknowns and just kind of waiting for the next best thing. But isn’t my purpose in life to live each DAY for the Lord? To dedicate each day to Him, to glorify Him in every moment? So much this week I’ve been reflecting on whether I’m “missing” something. The more I thought about it, I am! I had something taken away, so I’m trying to find ways to fill that void.

Last week in Bible study we studied Joshua 3-4. I’m also reading the book “Plan B” which was given to me by a friend and this passage was referenced for almost a whole chapter. (EXCELLENT book btw, if anyone is going through a hard time!) I think God is trying to teach me something through this passage if He’s shown it to me 2 different ways! Joshua 3:15-16 says: “When the priests carrying the Ark came to the edge of the river and stepped into the water, the water upsteam stopped flowing. It stood up in a heap a great distance away.” The book continues…

“God is teaching his people: I have so much power, and I want to manifest it in your life. But if you want to see my power, you have to take the risk. You have to take the step. You have to take the spiritual risk of trusting me first. God is teaching us too. We have to take that risk if we’re going to live the kind of lives God has called us to live, to be the people God dreamed of when he thought us into existence. So many miss out on this designed life b/c we make an unconscious vow that we will only trust ourselves and the things we thinke we can control.”

Wowzers. That challenged me! I am scared to take this risk. I am scared about the future. I am scared that it may mean even harder things to come. I am scared b/c of what has happened already. Scared. BUT…God DREAMED, even before my existence…and KNEW what type of life I would have. So why I am trying to orchestrate it to go my way? Because I don’t want it to be filled with tears. I don’t want to go through this. I don’t want to go through these struggles. But that’s because I’m trying to control it. In my mind I question why would God do this to us? That is selfish. I am thinking that my ways are better than his. NO! God asks us to take risks in our faith and that may mean giving up something. That may mean “missing” something. That may mean not understanding and completely surrendering our thoughts to Him. My mind has been going crazy on me this week. It makes me get all teary-eyed again b/c of the pain it brings. BUT, I look at what God called the Israelites to do – to cross a river – yeah, thank goodness He hasn’t asked me to do that! Then again, the no-kid situation is Dan and I’s Jordan River. God is asking us to take this giant step into the “river of no kids” and see where it takes us. We know He won’t take us through something that we can’t survive through. We won’t drown. But that first step is always the hardest, and I guess I’m still tip-toeing on the water, wondering if it’s safe to put my whole foot in. Putting my whole foot in means completely letting go of the past and saying yes to the future. I am still grieving what we can’t have. But there is peace on the other side. I just need to keep looking to the other side, where God is standing with His arms wide open.

It’s amazing to think that a passage from that long ago, can mean so much to me today. The Israelites had to get “memorial stones” from the middle of the river, so that nobody would forget what God had done with the Jordan River for them. I feel my scar is my memorial stone. Everyday God reminds me of where He has taken me. Yes Dan and I have had to give up something – something that we thought would be so precious someday. But God has something EVEN MORE precious – who knows what the scar will represent even more someday.