Only God Knows

I have struggled during this pandemic to keep up-to-date on everything going on. Not that I’ve tried to bury my head in the sand and ignore what is going on, but because most things are from an earthly viewpoint, I have a hard time knowing what to believe. Do you feel the same?

As I heard the rates of the virus were increasing in our county, my initial knee-jerk reaction was, “Oh, I’m going to get.” Are you kidding me, Kristin? Seriously, is that what you are fearing? I am an “at-risk” person with heart failure. And severe heart failure at that. But if I have learned anything from the past few years, it’s that I am not afraid of what’s to come. Or at least I try to live in faith with that perspective.

I have been at a point in my life, where we had to asked the question, “Am I going to live?” I will never forget one of those specific moment. I was in between open heart surgeries in 2017. I wasn’t fully with it, due to the intense pain medication regimen I was on and my weakening body, but I vividly remember asking, “Is this is a life and death situation?” The nurse practitioner responded, “It’s not at the moment, but if things don’t improve, it will be” – as I was lying in my ICU bed. Needless to say, Dan and I were devastated and wondered, what’s next? We asked if we should call our parents and he suggested waiting a few hours to see what happens, and then do so. We couldn’t help but wonder, how did we get to this point in the first place?

As much as I want to put my trust in statistics and humans, they will fail me. I want to believe the reports, the statistics, etc. But they don’t hold a candle, when it comes to the Bible. Let my life be an example. When I had my 2nd open heart surgery in my lifetime in 2017, to simply repair a mitral valve, my surgeon was ranked in the top 3 in the nation in mitral valve repairs. We went into it thinking, “I’m going to be living my best life, after this surgery.” Even when talking with my surgeon, he said, “Kristin, run marathons and have 10 more kids if you want!” If you’ve read “A Heartbeat of Grace,” or followed my story, you know it’s been everything, but.

This just proves that even the most experienced doctors, the most successful professionals, their lives don’t hold a candle to God’s provincial plans. GOD’S WAYS WILL ALWAYS WIN. REIGN. AND PREVAIL.

During a pandemic, it’s easy to just listen to the statistics. To think that we will fall into the trap of them and become another statistic. But let me reassure you. And indeed, this is a reassurance. God has a different idea. Could we fall into the numbers? Yes – because God can use us even if we are part of a statistic. But could God thwart them and create his own plan? Absolutely. So why fear the “what could happen?” Because in the end, GOD REIGNS SUPREME. Not numbers. If numbers reigned supreme, I would’ve had a successful open heart surgery my first go-around in 2017. But God had a much bigger and BETTER plan than I could’ve ever imagined. Did it involve suffering? Yes. Did it involve life and death moments? Yes. Did it cause strain in our family? Absolutely. Are we still recovering from it? Yes. But I know without a doubt, that it was all part of his plan, his glory, and his ways.

So often in life, we want to predict what’s going to happen. But this life is incredibly temporary. And unpredictable. Because you know what? NO HUMAN IS IN CHARGE. As much as we want to believe we have some control, we don’t. I shouldn’t be here. The death rate at the time for the congenital heart defect was over 90%. It was a true miracle that I was still walking at 17. I defied the statistics. Only a 65-year-old man was to be found at the time, living, with the condition I had. Therefore, that’s why I do not have much trust in what “should” happen. I’m not saying that statistics don’t show consistencies, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I’m not controlled by statistics, but by God. And him alone. I may become a statistic and I may not. But that’s not for humans or me to decide. It’s for God to ordain.

Only God knows. Only HE knows what will happen in my life. Only HE knows what I will die from. Only HE knows what I will survive. Only HE controls my future. Only he knows the number of my days. No statistics. No doctor. No expert. No assumption. No social media post. And honestly, I’m completely comforted by that. Do I have to do my part to take care of the “temple” aka, my body? Absolutely. I will do what I humanly can. But I don’t have to worry about the reports. The statistics. The happenings. Only God knows. And only HE is in control of what will happen. I will do my part, and he will do the rest.

Whew. ‘Cuz I surely couldn’t do it on my own!