Heart Journey Update
I thought I would give a little update on what’s been going on with my heart.
It’s been about 3 weeks since I was admitted to University Hospital in Ann Arbor, and I am humbled and grateful to say that I feel much better than I did the day I was admitted. Though like my PA said today during a video visit, “If Kristin goes to the ER, Kristin needs to be admitted, and it’s bad.” Yep, that pretty much sums it up! I let it get too far and there was no way of stopping the decline. I look back and wonder though, what else I could’ve done to prevent that hospital stay? But the PVCs were too numerous that there was nothing I could do. I needed medical attention and it would require a hospital stay.
The new medication I am on, amiodarone (though I’ve been on it 2 other times), IS WORKING! I can guarantee you that! I feel fewer PVCs and arrhythmia-wise, I know things are getting better. I’m almost hesitant to say that because I was on the decline for so long, but thankfully things have improved. Unfortunately, I am having some odd and some not-so-fun side effects – more than the other times I was on it. I would say the biggest side effects are loss of short-term memory, struggle to find words, trembling hands, unsteadiness, low blood pressure, slow heartbeat, I get cold REALLY easily, and stomach pain. But these are all side effects of the medication, which is somewhat reassuring. I mean if there are side effects, that means it’s working, right :)? My hope is that over time my body will adjust, but it might not either, and so I will just have to live with these side effects.
On the heart failure side of things, we are still trying to sift through that portion. I am going in for weekly blood draws, I record my vitals daily and send them in weekly, and I try to monitor all the symptoms of HF. I’m on heightened awareness of every little change because it could be a sign of worsening heart failure and we are trying to control it all from the comforts of home, and not the hospital. So if I gain a pound or two, I take another med and I let them know. I’m telling you, the slightest deviation from my baseline, we are on it. Is it daunting to live this way at times? It is. It can be draining, overwhelming, and it feels like it controls my days, but at the same time, I am living my life at home, which we are so grateful for. My biggest heart failure symptom is shortness of breath, so we are trying to find ways to combat that, but we aren’t certain it will improve much.
We are also so grateful for the ways people have helped, especially with meals! As my doctor said, they want me to spend my energy and steps on the things that matter, like being a mom and wife, and doing the things that are life-giving. They are sending me a handicap hanger so that I don’t waste my energy getting to the place I’m going to, but can use that energy for where I want to be, like a park. I’ve had one in the past, but I have to remind myself that my heart is sick and it’s okay. I will say, I get quite the looks from people because I don’t look sick, but if people only knew where my heart was! I’ve learned to never judge someone by how they look because you never know the physical, emotional, or mental pain or struggle they may be carrying with them every day. Let me be a walking example of that!
We are still hoping I can make it through the summer without any intervention, but I’m realizing how sick my heart is and that without a properly functioning heart, it will always limit me. So I am slowly finding those limits and am learning that a slow life IS an okay life. I can’t do what I used to do, which I have grieved and continue to in some ways, but every day God has given me breath, is a day I get to serve him, whether I have heart failure or not.
My heart failure doesn’t slow down or detour God’s mission for me. In fact, it’s part of HIS mission. He is allowing it for His greater purposes. And that’s what I have to keep at the forefront of my spiritual heart. This was and is God’s grand idea and sometimes I feel “crazy” idea for me! But what an honor we all have, to live out his story through us, each day!
So I apologize if I forget something, if I forget your name, or if I forget how to do the simplest of things. I’m not a hazard on the road, but the other day I was signing our family up for something and it took me a split second to remember what our last name was. YIKES. In our home, we like to call it pregnancy brain, though let me reassure you, I am NOT pregnant :). But the fog my brain has is a bit dense at times, so bear with me and hopefully it will one day come back!
Here’s to staying the course and even more so, walking in His steps.
