Leukemia Update

This is a picture of freedom! Thought it was time to give a little update…

Yesterday I had a blood draw to see if I needed a blood transfusion and lo and behold, my white blood cell count is in the normal range again! The rest of my counts, such as my platelets and hemoglobin are low, but if I could have anything increase, it’d be my immunity!

That means I can start to go out in public again as my side effects allow. Not that they locked me in my home, but with zero white blood cells, if I would get sick, my body would have no way of fighting something off; I was at the mercy of all the antibiotics I was on. And if I got sick with a fever, it would land me in the hospital for a few days. With my heart failure, sickness wasn’t something I wanted to risk. I still have to be careful because I still have 3 more rounds, but I feel I am making a lot of forward progress.

Side effects are being managed. I had bloody and painful mouth sores last week that made eating not so fun. Not to mention I was still pretty nauseous, so it wasn’t always easy. I’m doing a little better this week with nausea, though sometimes that compazine is still good to keep in the body! Food doesn’t always sound great, but when something does, I go to town! My hair is thinning a bit on the sides, but not bad AT ALL, which Mazy is VERY thankful for! I struggle with sleep some nights, but I have to remember that my body is still fighting hard to fight this leukemia. I do have a minuscule amount of leukemia in me yet after the final test from the the bone marrow biopsy came back, but hopefully this past round and the rounds to come will blast away any leukemia left in me!

Probably the biggest side effect has been exhaustion, which is expected. I tire easily, but I feel like it’s a strength thing. Chemo effects your entire body, and my goal between treatments is to try and get back to baseline as much as I can, so that I can go into the next treatment “strong”. The doctor said too, that if I can recover well between them, that it will help in the end. So that means not doing all the things that I think I should be doing and still laying down to rest. Taking a trip out, but then sitting down and resting. SO NOT ME!

I’ll admit, I don’t look like I have cancer, which makes this all the more difficult at times, in the sense that since I “look” normal. Then I feel I should be able to do all the “normal” things. But inside, I’ve got a whole lot going on and I have to remind myself that you can’t always judge a book by it’s cover. I sure get weird looks when I park in the handicap spot with my handicap hanger, but it’s a pride thing. Sometimes I want to shout, “I have heart failure and cancer”, but it teaches ME to not always assume everything is okay with someone just because they “look” like nothing is going on. Who knows the pain and struggle they may be walking with!

So what’s next? I have had LOTS of appointments. LOTS of phone calls and messaging. Working through this cancer has felt like a full time job at times and it consumes me. I sometimes wonder what I even do in a day, but then I remember, I’m fighting cancer and heart failure. It doesn’t matter what I accomplish, but that I made it through another day. I fought through more side effects. And I wake up every morning realizing His mercies are new every morning.

This fall has looked nothing like we expected and this winter will be the same. And yet I wouldn’t trade my front row seat to God’s immense faithfulness in life for anything! It’s still really hard at times, but I am seeing God and His character in a way I’ve never seen before. But it’s because I need to choose to see it. It’s not always easy when I don’t feel good, but when I see that God is bringing me through this journey to help me see Him more clearly, boy it makes the lens into this cancer journey a whole lot clearer. I see His goodness. I see His sovereignty. I see His perfect timing. Yet I can easily close my eyes to it too.

We all have a daily choice to see His goodness and faithfulness in our every day lives. What choice are you going to make today?