It’s In My Hallelujah
Hallelujah – God be praised or praise God.
This week I completed my first round of IV chemo treatment and also started a chemo pill that I will be taking for 21 days. I will then have another bone marrow biopsy to see if the cancer is gone, and if so, proceed with a bone marrow transplant. If not, I will go through another round of chemo.
Quite honestly, I forgot what chemo does to the body. My mind has blotted out the memory of nausea, extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, and losing my sense of balance. That is a gift from God in my book, that the brain semi-forgets. And yet it doesn’t at the same time, as I dreaded going into this week.
But it’s in my HALLELUJAH or my choice to HALLELUJAH that makes all the difference as we embark on this new chapter.
I never imagined having cancer. Leukemia especially; sheesh, I didn’t even know what it was when I was diagnosed. And I NEVER imagined having cancer twice. You hear of other people battling twice and you think, how in the world are they doing that? Yet here we are. God sees it best for my life and his kingdom that we fight once again because HIS work isn’t done.
To put it candidly, sometimes I wonder what I missed the first time, what I didn’t do the last time, and what He’s trying to teach me through it this time. But that’s a life of fear, guilt, and with zero trust in God’s perfect plan for me. It’s in my HALLELUJAH that we do this again. We do it praising and thanking God for yet another opportunity to serve Him through the new people we meet, the strength it gives our relationships, and dependence it requires for us to have on God.
We often think of the word “Hallelujah” when it comes to Christmas and Easter. We give God all the praise and honor, and all our gratitude to him, for what he’s done through the birth of our Savior and through salvation given to us on the cross. We almost save that word for the most intimate, yet monumental moments of our faith. Yet we also use it flippantly and throw it out there as if it’s just another word to express our “whew” mentality.
The other day I was driving Mazy to school and while tuning into a local Christian radio station, two songs came on that talked strictly about Hallelujah. This word was already resounding between my ears, but I was going to be heading to a chemo treatment an hour later. Where did HALLELUJAH fit into that? It’s not often I find myself saying…”A chemo treatment? HALLELUJAH!” It kinda makes ya chuckle, doesn’t it? It seems like an oxymoron. But that’s just it. Our responses in this Christian life, often shift our mindset to an oxymoron type of response.
It should be an HALLELUJAH.
And I struggle with this, don’t get me wrong. But I have to see this as “I get to have chemo”. I don’t like it, I don’t want it, but it’s in my hallelujah, that I see God’s greater purpose in this journey once again. It’s in my hallelujah that I see a journey far grander than my human eye I can see. It’s in my hallelujah that I can be held in his arms, under his wings, and even rest my head on his shoulder, knowing he cares about every detail of this new journey.
He deserves my praise. He deserves my gratitude. He deserves my everything. He deserves my every hallelujah. Because without Him, I wouldn’t be here. Literally. I know that sounds brash and flippant, but without the miracles God has already performed, I medically speaking, wouldn’t be here.
My great Physician and my great Healer deserves all my HALLELUJAHS.
What “hallelujah” do you need to give to him? What praise do you need to give to Him? Where do you need to thank God? Even amidst the difficult situations? He deserves every part of it because of his grace. Grace that is immeasurable. For it’s in our hallelujahs that the focus is taken off our circumstances and is pointed straight at our Savior. Where all the glory is to be given anyways.
Speak your HALLELUJAHS today. Don’t hold back. Let them out. Shout them from the rooftops.
May HIS name be praised.
