Brenda's Story - Kristin Sterk

As many of you know, there is a woman that I have a friendship with that goes beyond human terms. To describe the relationship I have with Brenda Vriezema, well, it is indescribable. This is the very woman who felt the call of God on her life, to carry our children, when I was not able. A woman who was willing to possibly sacrifice her life, so that we may have life. Some questioned if going through the gestational process was worth our friendship if it didn’t work. What those people did not understand was that our friendship went far beyond any circumstances. It is a friendship from God and where God reigns, it cannot be destroyed. No circumstance can separate.

If it wasn’t for Brenda’s obedience to God’s call on her life, I am not sure we would have Mazy Grace in our arms. Because of her response to the Holy Spirit, because of her faithfulness, that is why we now have a child of our own – even though our first two are in heaven. And THAT is how God knew it was to be. God knew He would be the one raising those two. Though He used those two little babies to change our lives. To change our lives for the better. To change our lives forever. And as Brenda said me, to forever bond us together.

You have heard my side of the story in various ways through this blog. Recently, Brenda shared her testimony with her church. As I read through it, I couldn’t help but ask right away if it was okay if I shared it with you all. You see, our stories aren’t just our stories – they are God’s stories. And we just can’t help but share what God has done in our lives. As she said, this is an abbreviated version of her story, but I feel it is a beautifully written testimony of God working in her life.

Brenda Vriezema’s Story:
My story of God’s grace in my life is deeply personal, extremely painful and yet marvelously beautiful.

I was 48 years old when I believed the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to be a gestational carrier (surrogate) for my friend Kristin. Kristin was a young woman in her late 20’s who had a defective heart valve and was told by her doctors that it would be life threatening for her to get pregnant and bear a child. She and her husband, Dan grieved the prospect of never having a baby. I prayed fervently and often for them, that God would give them peace or healing. It was while I was praying for them that the thought was placed on my heart that I could carry their baby for them. I had 3 healthy pregnancies when I was in my 20’s, I had loved being pregnant then, and I was healthy now. But still…..it seemed ridiculous.

When my husband Tim came home from work I told him about my “thought” of carrying a baby for Kristin. We laughed about it and talked briefly about it. We didn’t know if it was even possible because of my age and the fact that I was already in menopause. In the next few days I did a little research and made a few phone calls to educate myself and after further discussion with Tim, I made an appointment at a fertility clinic in Grand Rapids to determine if it was even a possibility for me to carry a baby at my age.

At this point I was kind of thinking that I must’ve heard the Holy Spirit wrong and that a visit to the fertility clinic would confirm that. But, to my surprise, the doctor didn’t have any reservation about me being a gestational carrier and would be willing to work with Kristin and I in an embryo transfer.

Now that we know it is possible and there is a doctor willing to work with me, Tim and I realize we have to talk this through to a whole different level and determine if this is really something God has called me (us) to. We continue to pray and have numerous conversations about it, truly trying to discern if this was God’s plan or my “thought”. One big obstacle that surfaced during this time was health insurance. Tim was told by our health insurance that not only would the embryo transfer not be covered, but the delivery would not be covered. Tim was not ok with that. So we continued to wait and pray and seek God’s direction.

During this time we did talk with our kids about it. Two of them were in college and one graduated from college and now working. They were all on board with it even though they thought it was a little weird…. Dan and Kristin were their youth leaders at church and continued to be very close friends. After several months, my oldest asked me if I had ever talked with Kristin about it. When I told her that I had not, she asked what I was waiting for. I explained that I believed God wouldn’t ask me to do this without the full support of Tim. Since the delivery didn’t appear to be covered by insurance, Tim could not support it. I told my daughter that I would not ever speak to Kristin about it unless Tim came to me and suggested we talk to Dan and Kristin. That would be my sign.

A couple months later, out of the blue, Tim came home from work and announced that he had an interesting conversation with insurance that day. Apparently the delivery would be covered! Then he said, “I think it’s time to talk with Dan and Kristin.” Wow. There it was. My fleece. By now a year had gone by. I was almost 50 years old. But we did go to Dan and Kristin and offered to carry a baby for them. That was a very surreal conversation, one we still laugh about.

After more prayer and more conversations they decided to move forward in the process to create their embryos (2) and then transfer them to me.

Both Kristin and I had numerous doctor appointments and tests and at each point we looked to God to either open the door of opportunity or to close it. Each and every time He opened the door! What a thrill! At every point it seemed that God was confirming for us that this was His plan and we were beginning to believe that a pregnancy and resulting baby(ies) were going to be a reality.

Nearly another year had gone by before the day of an embryo transfer was here. We were all flying high and looking to God for this amazing thing that He was going to do. It looked like I was going to have the privilege of carrying their baby! I was so excited and at the same, so humbled to be used by God in this way.

After the transfer of two embryos had taken place we waited 2 weeks for results of a pregnancy. And, it came back positive! I was pregnant with twins. Now I was completely sure that God was going to do this as every door was being opened wide. In my mind the difficult part was behind us. I wasn’t worried about the pregnancy one bit since I was convinced that this was God’s plan for Dan and Kristin. We were all on cloud nine.

Two weeks later I miscarried. The four of us sat in the doctor’s office looking at the monitor that showed my empty womb. The drive home from Grand Rapids was silent. There were no words. Actually, there was one word, “why?”

Why would God lead us down this road for nothing?

Why did God pull the rug out from under me?

Why would He wait until now to slam the door shut? Why didn’t He close the door a long time ago, before there were actually two babies created?

Then it became, Why is God so mean?

Why does God hate me so much?

Why would God use me to inflict so much pain and disappointment on Dan and Kristin?

In my pain and grief I sunk to a deep dark place. There was so much loss surrounding this one event and I felt responsible. I must’ve heard God wrong. And as a result of this gestational carrier process, Dan lost his job as a youth director and they moved to Minnesota. They lost those two babies, their home, their friends, their youth group kids, and much, much more. They had such deep grief, yet they chose to cling to Jesus Christ for strength, comfort and peace. I, however, really struggled. How could I cling to the One who hurt me so deeply? How could I ever trust Him again?

Thankfully, God had blessed me with a husband with faith and patience and deep love for me. He listened to me, he prayed over me, and he always pointed me back to God, to the One, I believed hurt me. He kept reminding me that we walked where we thought the Spirit was leading. Deep down I knew Tim was right, and that God was the only One who could heal me of my pain and lift me from my dark place. And so I began to cry out to God to heal my brokenness, to remove my pain and guilt. And God, in His lavish grace, did. Little by little the wounds were healing , and over the last two years He has spoken tenderly to me through His word and songs, convincing me of His love for me. It’s as if He has taken my face in His hands and spoke His love into my soul. Things I have known in my head about God’s grace, I now know in my heart. He has a plan and a purpose for me, and that plan is good. Because of this event in our lives we are eye-witnesses to the power of God and recipients of His grace. He never left me alone. Funny thing is…..I don’t need all of my “why” questions answered anymore. I am able to see how God has used this experience to shape me, to draw me to Himself, how He has used this for my good, and for Dan and Kristin’s good, and for His glory.

And the very best part… on March 17, 2015 Mazy Grace was born to Dan and Kristin. No fertility doctors. No gestational carriers. Only God.

As I look back at this time in my life, God moved in ways I was unable to see. Even when I was in the dark place of deep pain, He was orchestrating a plan more beautiful than I could ever imagine. He has overwhelmed me with His grace and goodness, not because there is anything special about me, but because that is the essence of who God is. He is good and He is faithful.

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

Isaiah 43:1-3a

Thank you Brenda, for being willing to share your story! As Brenda said, “I hope that our story can point other hurting people to Jesus Christ, that they, too, can experience His healing power and His miraculous work.”