It's Really Okay - Kristin Sterk

I had all these grand ideas of how I was going to be the perfect stay-at-home-mom.

As much as didn’t/don’t want to admit it, we go into parenthood with expectations. I made the mistake of telling Dan that I didn’t really have any expectations, but the more I thought about it, I so did!

I thought I would get a whole lot more sleep than I did. What was I thinking? I thought we would be going places with Mazy, having no issues taking her along. Well, then she was a colicky baby. Never even thought of that! We thought we would take her fishing last summer, but because of her rough crying spells, we didn’t feel comfortable.

I imagined being able to make nice suppers for Dan and making all these homemade meals.

Boy I learned that Take ‘n Bakes from Aldi never tasted so good! I remember Dan kindly mentioning to me at one point that he wondered why I wasn’t able to find time to make supper some days, until he stayed home with her. I remember getting an email from him saying that he wasn’t able to make what he was hoping to make that day and instead we just got pizza. That is the beauty of parenting – learning and realizing together. A humbling experience for the both of us.

I love to make meals, I really do. If only I didn’t feel like I’m shirking my parenting duties. All the time. Sometimes it’s frozen pizza for supper or sandwiches. And sometimes it is a nice pasta or Mexican meal. I have learned to not worry about eating. Really, food is just food. Dan has taught me that it’s okay. It’s okay if it’s just sandwiches. It’s okay if it’s 5:10 (when we usually eat around 5:00 or 5:30 b/c we have a church function to go to) and I don’t know what we are having. It really is okay.

(Yes, I realize I married an amazing man).

I have learned it’s really okay if I don’t clean the house every week. I know I’ve said that before, but that one has taken me a long time to get over (coming from a retired organizing blogger). I always thought I would at least have a clean house. Well, I now tell myself to not clean it every week because really it doesn’t need to be. Mazy needs me. I must say it is often picked up (for the most part), but it’s our house. It’s supposed to look lived in. It’s really okay.

And then myself. Oh the days of glasses and hair in a bun! There is something to be said about taking care of yourself. I think I’ve said this before, but hustling to take a 30 second shower so I didn’t hear Mazy scream bloody murder I now find as a true gift – another gift no one tells you about that you obtain when you become a mother. And then there are some days that showers just don’t happen til late at night. And it’s really okay. We are blessed to live in a culture where showers are readily accessible. So if I didn’t get to one yesterday, there is a guarantee for the opportunity for one tomorrow. It’s really okay.

And finally, for the person who lives with the motto “time is of the essence,” letting things wait can be a challenge, but it’s really okay. Mazy has taught me to put down my papers, dry my hands from washing dishes, and close my computer. Not taking that moment for granted, like I talked about in an earlier post.

I am trying to help her learn “independent play” at times because she tends to discover so much more when I am sometimes not in her face. Just yesterday, she found a pink ball she loves to play with and I hear her chattering away as she is coming closer. She has that ball under the crook of her arm as she is trying to scoot over to me in the kitchen at the same time. (Quite a multi-tasker if you ask me!)

I peaked over my shoulder as I was doing dishes and saw my little girl giggle and squeal as I realized she was bringing the ball to me, to play catch.

My 11 month old.

I quickly dried my hands, sat down and she went crazy. I mean the crazy Mazy kicking her feet, squealing, and making these silly sounds because she couldn’t contain her excitement about playing catch. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. A moment that I will never forget.

The water got cold in the sink, but I didn’t care. My daughter wanted to play. My daughter wanted to show me how she could throw a ball. My daughter just wanted to play with me.

I realize that when she is 4 I may be saying “I had to tell her not right now because mommy had to get some things done,” but right now, despite my best attempts to teach her independent play, I couldn’t miss this opportunity. That face of hers as she scooted near, she knew she was about to play catch. I realize we may have a baller on our hands, but it’s not that, that matters. It’s realizing Mazy knows that I will take the time to play with her and that even though she is my child, she is buddy.

And really it’s okay. Those dishes can wait. That email too. Oh and maybe a shower too. I don’t want to miss out on those little opportunities of today.

I realize for those who have multiple children, this all comes across as being a new and naive mom, but I am sure you remember these moments too. Moments you just don’t want to let go of!