We Are Making Progress!
It has been a long 3 weeks.
Three weeks of pain that would sometimes bring me to my last resort: uncontrollable tears. The thought-to-be neuropathy I’ve had in my hands and feet has prevented me from doing one of the things I love: going on walks. The weather has been impeccable some days and I was able to enjoy the sunshine from the comforts of my own couch with my feet up and ice bags on them. It’s been hard to reconcile in my head, that time of life because it felt like one giant hurdle with no end, with no pain med really touching the pain. It was frustrating, wearisome, all while being patient as the rest of my body heals from a bone marrow transplant. It’s a long road and the past 3 weeks have made it feel even longer.
But let me tell you…God has been healing. I didn’t doubt he would, but I did doubt when. I questioned at times, “his perfect timing”. It felt anything but perfect, but I felt left in my pain, wondering if it’d ever end. There wasn’t a timeline of when it would end, but I knew deep down, God had one. It was a reaction from my chemotherapy and so I knew there HAD to be one. But this brought me to a whole new level of trust every day. Waking up, realizing I’m still struggling, but allowing my faith to trust in that very thing. That thing that IS trustworthy and is always best: his perfect timing.
Let me also tell you that it doesn’t always feel perfect. The days when I literally cried out to him, also forced me to just completely rely on Him, bc I couldn’t do it on my own. No ice pack could suffice. Only his sustaining grace. And he yet again, was faithful. What I saw as a major setback, God saw it as a way to come back even stronger.
And walking with our sweet Mazy Grace today, did that for me. We were almost home and I started singing “God is so good”. Mazy joined with me, and I could’ve just cried. But all that came out were the words and this giant smile on my face, as I felt the love of his grace shine on us as the sun kissed our cheeks. It was a day I won’t soon forget. We walked to our “normal” spot and I did it without excruciating pain. I wore shoes. I wore socks. Two things I couldn’t wear even last week without pain! Even when I can’t see it, God is healing. And we pray he continues to do just that, as I am on Day 40 after transplant. Day 100 is coming closer and closer!
