This season of life sure has been challenging, and a call to perseverance and trust.
I admit I often did not understand why God would not take away the pain, the tears, and the struggle. Pain so intense that multiple times I started to pass out. Yet it was in those times, when I had nothing left, but thoughts of God and a plea to Him to just take it all away.
During my hospital stay, a friend had texted me some of the words to the song “Blessings” by Laura Story. Even though I wasn’t fully there mentally, I remember reading those words, wondering what blessings could possibly come out of these circumstances? The thing is, my timing was not God’s. As the song says…
Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
I am here to tell you that blessings do come through raindrops/tears. Healing comes through tears. Sleepless nights do remind us He is near – it’s in those times that He is the only constant. Trials really are, mercies in disguise too.
One night we were up the majority of the night, wondering if I would have to have a pump placed into my chest, to bypass my mitral valve and wait for surgery. If something wasn’t done, my organs would continue to fail. An extremely scary time for Dan and I. As we both cried, all we could do was look up to God for strength. As Dan told the PA, he said “we believe in a sovereign God, so please do what you have to do.” We knew God had us, but oh did our tears still fall. That night will always be etched in my mind as a time that we knew God was near, since that was the only thing we felt we had to hold onto.
But then, God brought healing. God chose that night, to bring healing through our tears. And blessings. Through that difficult time, it gave us the blessing of being able to share about our faith. No pump needed.
It has been a LONG journey. My original post op appointment was scheduled for November 20, after my first surgery. I remember thinking oh, I will be good to go by Thanksgiving and what a celebration that will be. Little did I know that God had another open heart surgery in store for me and that on December 20, I would be going in for my post op appointment. Now I am just thankful to be alive and am able to celebrate with family this Christmas season. Talk about feeling blessed, when you realize life could have looked so different after all that had happened.
I am here to tell you, God has heard our prayers. God has seen our tears. God has brought healing and blessings. This past week has been incredible! I am quite a bit more active at home, which has helped me gain strength, allowed me to parent Mazy a bit more on my own, and also get out just a little. When I think that I have only been home a month from my second surgery, I truly am blown away at how fast God has brought healing. Now don’t get me wrong, it has felt like it has been years at times and it felt like healing would never come. But it has.
My ribs are starting to fuse, I believe, since I do not feel them rubbing together anymore. I have not had a fever since Monday, which has helped me feel so much better. I am gaining my appetite back finally, I think because I do not have those fevers, and I am much more mobile! I know I still have a long ways to go, with a handful of issues yet, but to think that I have come this far, is only God. Nothing of my doing. NOTHING.
So often we think our ways should be God’s ways, but just remember that sometimes our spiritual hearts need healing too, which may be part of God’s healing plan too:
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:19
What is according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus? It is hard to know what God’s will is at times, but when we keep seeking His face, He will show us. For me, seeking means resting in peace knowing that God knows what He is doing. Seeking means trusting in His plan, even when it’s not mine. I struggle with both. It’s hard to be peaceful and trusting when pain and frustration set in. But God has continued to prove Himself faithful.
I am on my own two feet, which I could not do two months ago. I can turn my head from side to side, which I could not do one month ago. I can eat a full meal, which I could not do a week ago. My heart is beating. My body is healing.
So much to be thankful for. And thank YOU for all of the encouragement and prayers you have lifted up on our behalf. God is acting on behalf of them, in tremendous ways. When I look back at the journey, it makes me realize how far I’ve come. Thank you for continuing to walk this journey with us! The journey is not over and I know I still have a ways to go, but I couldn’t help but share this good news with you. Please join us in praising God for the great things He has done!
Blessings do come through raindrops!