This is a post I wrote on Thursday – the day God chose to drastically change our life. We have hesitated sharing this with you, as we are waiting for one test result (which you will read about at the end), but we know that this is all God and we felt we wanted to share what He has been doing in our life. We just can’t keep His story in our life secret any longer. All glory to HIM!
Tears of Joy.
All in God’s perfect and gracious plan for our life.
That is the only way I can explain the events of today. To GOD be the glory, as what I am going to say is purely His healing hand and continued work in our story.
I have said over and over again how we all have a story. God has uniquely written different chapters for each of our lives and as some chapters close, others start anew.
God has opened a new chapter in our life. A chapter we were praying was in our book, but honestly, we were uncertain. 8 years of prayer since getting married. Really, this all started when we were dating, as I had to tell Dan that if he decided to pursue a relationship/marriage with me, it may mean no biological children. It was a difficult conversation to have, but Dan accepted it with grace and love. Since then, as each year I would sit in the heart doctor’s office and hear them talk about the high risk and severe complications I could have getting pregnant, my hope in having our own children diminished. Then we had the ultimate surprise and blessing of having the opportunity to have our own children, through a gestational carrier; didn’t even know what that was at the time! To have the humble privilege of having our own kids? We felt this was a chapter God had uniquely written for us, with this specific family. Even though it ended with us all giving those 2 Hooties back to the Lord physically, God permanently gave us the gift of parenthood, though we long for the days of having a first glimpse of our children, in heaven.
As we have worked through that life-altering, life-giving experience, God has grown and stretched our faith, and has reminded us that life isn’t about our timing. God is timeless. It is about GOD’S story through us. How He proclaims His name, here on earth. Which leads us into this week, as we thought about Mother’s Day. As we think about May 16, the day our babies would be turning 1, but with them celebrating their 1st birthday in Heaven. As we think about my yearly heart appointment, which was today.
Last night as we lied in bed praying and thinking about today’s appointment, I jokingly said to Dan, what if they told us I could get pregnant? I laughed, and Dan, well, I can’t remember if he said anything, but it was a fleeting thought. We don’t joke about that much, as deep down, that really is what we humanly desired. We just knew that God had different plans.
I woke up this morning feeling no different. I had the same tests, just at a different location. I knew I still had a heart problem. What was different about today?
I decided to go to an adult congenital heart doctor like the one I went to in Michigan, because I knew I was a little abnormal. My previous condition was rather rare, so we wanted to make sure I was in the best care I could be in. What we were about to hear, was beyond words.
Words that we have longed to hear for 8 years. 13 for me (since I found out after my open heart surgery when I was 17, that I might not be able to have my own children). Words that never seemed possible. Words filled with such hope, yet words filled with such peace. Words that have overwhelmed us. Words that God has once again, used to change our life. To start a new chapter. Words that brought us to tears. Tears of JOY.
When I thought God was done working on my heart physically, He said never. I found out that my heart valve leak has gone from moderate-severe to mild-moderate. How a leaky “faucet” leaks less, is only by healing or a fixing. I am here to tell you that God has miraculously lessened my leaking. Is this doctor a “better” doctor just because she told us what we wanted to hear? No. God truly has been healing my heart. We asked that doctor what that meant for pregnancy. Her response?
I SEE NO PROBLEM WITH IT.
That is all it took. 6 simple words. 6 simple words that have completely altered this chapter in our life. 6 simple words that God used to remind us that HE is faithful and never done, even when we thought all hope was lost when it came to having more biological children.
We were speechless. Joy-filled tears ran down my cheek as I muttered muffled words to the doctor “we have been waiting 8 years to hear this.” The look on her face – dumbfounded. She had no clue. She had just met us – a couple longing to have children, but unsure how God was going to carry that dream out. We had become content, yet again. She thought she was telling us news we expected to hear.
I looked at Dan as he grabbed my leg and we looked into each other’s eyes and realized our hope of being earthly parents, was restored. A story of renewed hope.
WE NEVER IMAGINED hearing those words today. Didn’t even come across the thought pattern, really.
My doctor graciously went through where I would be on the high-risk scale, and I am low (at a 3) because my leaking has significantly decreased. What has attributed to my valve leaking less? Again, God’s healing hands. Yes, I would be having a few more heart appointments throughout the pregnancy and watched more closely by my obgyn, but those words fell on hearts of hope that’s renewed.
Today when I heard the medical imager say “you are one of the few, the proud” to still be alive with what I had when I was 17 and to hear the RN say “one in a million,” I can’t help but direct those words back to God and say “Lord, it is truly a miracle. While we searched for contentment, You were preparing our hearts for another chapter. A miraculous chapter. A chapter filled with HOPE.”
Yesterday in youth group, Dan did a lesson on Romans 8:28 that says:
UPDATE: I had a CT scan on Friday back in the cities to get a baseline image of what my heart looks like. After the results of that (will find out this week), then we can proceed “officially.” My doctor has already switched my heart meds and has given us recommendations on how to proceed. So, really it’s a “go”, just as long as nothing obscure comes out of the CT scan. There is so much we are excited to share with you, since God has brought us to this point. We just keep praying God shows us HIS will for our life!