6 Things Every Child Needs

I am no pro at parenting. We have one child and she is only 5. But one thing I do know is that after working with kids/teens for over 15 years in youth ministry and having been able to use what I’ve learned through my social work degree, is that even though we complicate parenting, it really comes down to 6 simple things. Now of course those simple things can get complicated, but so often we try to “reinvent the wheel” (hello Pinterest, self-help books, etc.) when it comes to parenting, but I will say, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has not been far off (maybe those 4 years in college are actually paying off even to this day)!

I don’t want to assume you’ve heard of this hierarchy of needs, so the gist of this pyramid that Abraham Maslow designed in 1943, is to prove that all humans have different levels of needs. And as a pyramid works, each level builds on the next, meaning a child’s physical needs need to be met before they can feel secure. Once they feel secure, then the feeling of unconditional love can be felt. See below:

Now please hear me out, no man-made formula replaces the importance of the Bible! The Bible is ALWAYS our ultimate authority and guide, hence that is why there are 6 instead of 5! And so I share these 6 ideas as a guide, not as the ultimate source, though I do think the Bible does encourage us to help each child and person to succeed in each of these levels! So here we go:

Basic Needs.

It’s as simple as that. Physiologically, as the chart says, this is what is needed to function as a human being and are essential to survival. Food, water, shelter, sleep, etc.

Safety and Security.

Kids need consistency and predictability. As much as we want our kids to be flexible and able to go with the flow, kids do thrive in routine. I remember when we had our daughter, being in youth ministry, our schedule was all over the place. I envisioned bringing her everywhere and her sleeping whenever she was tired. Um, no. That did not happen in the LEAST bit. We had a sensory-sensitive child who didn’t do well with loud noises, who only slept when it was utterly quiet, and she thrived on routine. My pride was swallowed time and time again. In fact, the minute she came out of the womb, the doctor warned us, and he was spot on. Her level of safety and security meant routine, order, quiet, and predictability.

Healthy Relationships.

This means having a balance of people who influence their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual life. One of the things I enjoy most about being in youth ministry is partnering with parents and also walking alongside the youth of our church (and the youth of our past churches as well). Those relationships don’t stop. And now I see others investing in our child and I couldn’t be more thrilled! I feel a child can never have enough solid influences in their life – people to look up to as they form their worldviews and mindsets. And this is where godly influences are key for us, as a Christian family. The more Christ-centered mentors she has in her life, the more she is shown what it looks like to be a disciple of Christ.

Self-Esteem.

Who doesn’t struggle with self-esteem to some degree or another? But imagine if your child was influenced by so many incredible people (from the previous level), that their esteem just continued to blossom the more they were around them? This is why it is so key that all of the previous levels occur first because they truly build upon one another. When it comes to self-esteem, we have to remember that adults aren’t the only ones who desire to achieve and succeed. As parents, have the amazing role of encouraging and guiding our children as they build confidence and integrity in their own lives. Just think of how far one with high self-esteem can go? One who recognizes who they were created to be in Christ? And finally…

Knowledge That They Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.

This one can seem much like the one above, but this is where the creativity and the uniqueness of who God created them to be comes out. When you were a kid, did you love to dream? Create? And just be a kid? This is where we can choose to allow our kids’ to let their minds run wild or not. Our world is inundated with safety regulations, in my opinion. Where did the freedom go to climb a tree? Cause a just a little mischief? To jump in a puddle? Get a little muddy? The boundaries we have set have been mind-boggling. Playground equipment that once was a part of your childhood, now deemed unsafe. Children need room to stretch themselves. To be kids. Imagine. Dream. Grow. Innovate. Explore new ideas. Pretend to a be a favorite character. Pursue a love for something. Respond without fear. And maybe test the waters just a little as they find their purpose. If we are constantly trying to protect their every step, they will have a hard time taking that step when they flea the coop. Allow them to have freedom to dream and be a KID. Allow them to be who they are fearfully and wonderfully made to be!

So how do we as parents encourage these levels? One simple way:

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Your Bond and God’s Love.

Don’t ever underestimate the power behind the bond you have with your child. Do you ever get asked to snuggle? Does a hand ever slip into yours? How about when an owie happens. Do they climb into your lap for comfort? If you answered yes to ANY of these, know that you are feeding into your child’s overall well-being. It may seem minor, but it’s a major. They need our hugs, touch, and love. They need that time together. That quality time without phones and distractions. They need US. It’s a simple as that.

And finally, don’t ever underestimate how much God loves YOUR child. You see, YOUR child was created to have a very specific purpose on this earth. What that is, I don’t know. And we as parents do not always know either, but no need to know because God does! In fact, we will never fully comprehend the influence God has created them for because it is FAR greater than any expectations we will ever have. But what we do know is that Christ died for your very child, so that he or she will live forever and proclaim HIS name. We may think that we need to solve all of their problems and give them everything under the sun, but what we have to remember is that God has given us children to be stewards over because in all reality, they are HIS FIRST. And so it is our goal as parents do what we can, with what we have, to the best of our abilities. We aren’t called to be perfect because this side of heaven, we never will be. But there are simple things that our children need and sometimes we complicate it to the point where we lose focus of what our real mission is. To bring glory to God in all we do and to make his name known to our children.

As parents, when we go to bed at night, what matters in the end, is whether our child loves the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. May we all provide the necessary environment to do so with these 6 things as our guide, but not overcomplicate what we are called to do. And may Christ be our source, our center, and our ultimate guide. If we keep him there, we will not stray.

**MAY YOU ALL KNOW THAT I CHALLENGE MYSELF WITH THESE VERY TRUTHS JUST AS MUCH**