Singing Birds and Roaring Semis

This morning on my daily run/walk, I could hear the birds just singing away – then came a mighty semi going full speed, washing out the sound of singing. As the semi passed, I couldn’t help but think that is sometimes how one thought can completely change the “sound” of the day.

Yesterday I talked about over-planning. Lists really are a good thing. Truly. Some people can function without them and I say props to you! Me, on the other hand, thrive off of them. But lists can also cause frustration when things do not go as planned.

As I was walking, I was thinking about why the word healing keeps coming to mind over these past few weeks. I believe God brought us to Minnesota for a number of reasons (and they have all been wonderful, I must say!) Again, one of them being a place to find peace and some understanding. One hard part about moving to another state is wondering what to do. I have been wondering where God is calling me to work – in fact, sometimes when I think about it so much, I stress out. I try to overplan. I try to find every single possibility out there, but all that does is just bring more confusion. What happened to that trust, Kristin that I talked of yesterday? Life can be “singing” along, until that semi comes along, causing a muffled sound to what God is saying. Trust Me, Kristin. Don’t lose sight of Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith AND Life. Reality check, right? Contentment, even the small things, can be a difficult find. But trust is where it begins.

While listening to the birds, I was also thinking about why the approach of May just seems hard. Today God put it in perspective and answered that question on the road. May was when our babies where supposed to arrive. Bam. That was the answer. That is also why I think God has brought healing to our minds oh so frequently these past few weeks. Little did I know.

When we found out Brenda, our carrier, was pregnant, I remember those first few weeks of just thinking what May would be like. We would be setting up a nursery, planning our life for two babies, reconfiguring what our life would be like. At that point we knew we were going to be moving somewhere because Dan had already been let go. While the semi roared through that process, we could hear the birds singing knowing we were going to be parents. Then 3 weeks later hit. May then was not going to happen as we thought. I remember thinking “well NOW what is May going to look like?” We were thinking about our family vacations and what they would look like with 2 newborns. We were planning, planning, planning. Were we over-planning? I really don’t know. At what point do you celebrate the excitement, but prepare your hearts that it might not happen? I believe God wanted us to celebrate the joy – at that point we had no idea what was ahead – that He would take them home. But for those few weeks, we were proud parents and we were planning parents – excited about the future with two kids of our own.

And now May is around the corner with our babies being held by our heavenly Father. It is still hard to comprehend everything that has happened since then. We still grieve the loss of those two hooties. We grieve what was and what could’ve been. Oh how I sometimes wish I could be setting up a nursery and preparing my heart and arms to hold two snuggly babies. We still grieve that. And May is a reminder of that.

But God has brought us to a place of healing. And “this is where the healing begins…” I just can’t get that out of my head. What a beautiful picture. The roar of the semi seems to invade the beautiful singing of birds here. But the roar is a reminder of the past and that we have to let it pass – we have to experience it. We have to FEEL it. The wind behind that semi sure is strong – sometimes it’s painful because it pelts you in the face. Not that God desires to “pelt” us in the face with hurts of the past, but He wants us to deal with them so that we BRING them to Him. He is waiting on the other end of the line – we just have to pick up the phone.

Birds are singing in Minnesota and we can hear them, meaning we can feel the joy God has brought into our lives. He is singing beautiful songs into our ears with supportive families and friends, not only far, but also near – here in Minnesota. What a wonderous place of singing and healing this is.