A Wrecked Life

Kristin is reading a book! Shocker I know. It’s a rarity – my family would be proud.

Someone recommended to me the book “Kisses From Katie.” It’s about a young woman who gave up everything to love the children of Uganda. I am on page 17. I had to stop and reflect. I had to stop and process. I had to sit down and blog. (Probably not the first thing you think of to do, but for me, blogging is a way I process moments in life. This is one of those moments).

Quote from Katie: Jesus wrecked my life, shattered it to pieces, and put it back together more beautifully.

Wow. When I read that, I just sat there thinking, THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! Though, isn’t that the goal of the Christian life? To have Jesus change the direction we are going in? To say Jesus wrecked my life almost says it’s a negative, but to me, I see it as I was going full tilt in one direction and God put a halt on it in a jiffy. That is what God did to me through open heart surgery. Besides brain surgery (I say this respectfully), I have a hard time imagining a more serious surgery that makes you stop dead in your tracks. Never will I forget waking up from surgery and literally not being able to move what seemed like any part of my body (though apparently I moved my arms as I tried to take my ventilator out). When the nurses moved me, I could feel my sternum bone rubbing together where it was sawed. I was down and out. I can joyously say Jesus wrecked my life. I was never the same. PRAISE GOD.

Pre-surgery, I did not live this crazy life, AT ALL. I can safely say I was a goody-goody. But God wanted my heart somewhere else. God wanted me doing something else. God wanted to work on lil ole me, so He chose ME, to shatter and put my life back together. That my friends is salvation – I say this with tears in my eyes. He chose me to be His child. Yes I was a Christian long before my surgery, but God wanted my life to look more like His – the only way to do that was through my literal heart.

I think of kids. I think of how my heart felt in 2010 when I felt my heart was shattered to pieces with the thought of not having our own. Look at how God has put my heart back together? Through the gift of Brenda. I had mothing to do with this putting back together. Regardless of the results – it is GOD who is reshaping us. It is GOD who is forming our life according to His ways. We are just striving to walk in obedience.

Another quote from Katie: “This is not a life that I dreamed up on my own or even knew I desired. I am watching God work, and as I ‘delight myself in the Lord’ by doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His.

How has God changed the desires of your heart? The life you are living now, is it what you dreamed of? To be honest with you, if 10 years ago you would’ve told me this is what my life would look like, I would say that is not a dream at all. But that was the Kristin of 10 years ago. I look at how God has changed my desires. How God has changed me. How God has changed Dan and I. Praise God He is changing us because again, isn’t the whole goal of our Christian life to be more like Him? If I was stagnant, complacent, and unchanged, I would be one sad girlie! Praise God for the wreckage and the shattering He has brought into our life. Can I always say that with joy? Honestly, no. It’s hard. It’s not easy. But in becoming more like Christ, I have to become more unlike myself. That is hard.

So there you have it. My reflection on the introduction of the book. No, the introduction was not 17 pages long. It was 5. I believe nothing happens without the will of my Father – there is a reason He had me open this book. He wanted me to ponder these things. He is using this book to shatter me more and build me back up. To cause me to reflect on the beautiful things God is doing in my life.

And how about you? How can you answer some of these questions? How has Jesus wrecked and shattered your life? How have you seen Him beautifully put it back together?