My Heart’s Thoughts

God is faithful.

Am I truly faithful to Him?

Deep down in my heart, as the year has progressed, I knew God was doing something in our life. Not just one thing – He was changing our whole life. I have had such a hard time putting into words what God has been doing in our life (if you haven’t noticed!) I apologize for random posts and thoughts – it’s because I am still trying to process all that God is doing – it’s a journey I tell ya!

Over the past few months, God has worked drastically in our lives – there are times when I think:

• How did I live the life I did before?
• Why did I desire to just be happy?
• Why did I continually desire the things of this world?
• Why has it taken me THIS long to realize what I know now?

We are not the same people.
We do not want to be the same people.
We want to be different.
We are ready.

I know, I know, I keep talking about living a simpler life – well, I know why. God has given us no other choice. Why? Because God has taken away things that we found “comfort” in – things we thought that would make us happy – jobs, kids, a house, etc. God has opened up pieces of our heart, that we always knew were there, but were unwilling to tap into.

There have been many avenues that God has used to remind us “Sterks, your life is NOT your own, so live for ME and ME alone.”

At my parent’s church, the pastor had preached an incredible sermon on worry and faithfulness. They got the DVD for us to watch and wow, it was powerful. The jist: do not worry about the “what if’s” – just remain faithful. He said we aren’t on this earth to necessarily be happy. Look at the life of Christ – it was a far cry from easy and “happy.” I have confused my walk with Christ with being happy. It felt like this year, there were so many times where we wondered when “happiness” would be restored. The tornado incident really shook us (no pun intended). That was just the beginning. God knew that had to occur, to draw us closer to Him. Not that we were far from Him (quite the contrary in my human mind – but God knows better than I do). It was all in preparation for the past few months.

Why do I continue DAILY to struggle to put all of my faith in God – even if it means eternal glory in the end? It just goes against every little inkling in my body – why? Total depravity. I still have so much of my old self to get rid of. By God’s overwhelming grace, He continues to grow us. Where did I get the idea that our life would be “easy” or filled with so much happiness? Culture, culture, culture. Health and wealth. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The things we have found joy in, are truly everlasting. Living a more content and simpler life, does aid in that joy; realizing that I do not need the things of this earth, to make me happy. True joy is truly found in Christ – He is definitely teaching us that!

I was living a life of WANTING things. Really, my physical necessities of life are food, shelter, and clothing. I have every single one of them! I have them in excess! God has given us just a GLIMPSE of what it is like to lose a few things. In them, God isn’t telling us to be “happy” but to be faithful. Having our two little babies, I thought, would make me happy. Instead, there is pain. But truly, even children will not and would not have brought that fullness of joy that only God can fulfill. Oh we sure miss those little munchkins, but they are a gift! Maybe someday. Maybe kids are in our future – only God knows!

Oh do I want to be FAITHFUL! I still cry. I had a moment the other day where I just cried for probably 15 minutes and it felt SO GOOD. They were tears that were ready to fall. Tears for my Father. Tears from a girl who just wants so desperately to live for HIM, even though there is pain. Though I still ask God why,  it is me running more eagerly towards Him.

God doesn’t promise an easy life – again, quite the contrary. To follow Christ means FOLLOWING CHRIST. His walk on this earth was not a yellow brick road, so why did I think that our’s would be? I know God works for the good – ALWAYS. But it may mean trials, temptations, and struggles.

I am excited to see where this journey takes us. We both are. Through all of this, I don’t think God cares what I “own” on this earth, but what I did with what I own. I don’t think God cares how much of something I have, but if I am willing to give it up or away. God cares about how I live for Him and am faithful – not how much I obtain in this life.

Remain faithful.

We are a work in progress (that is an understatement). In saying all of this I am not saying we have reached completion. We just know God is working in us and is changing our life.

And are just learning daily, what it means to be FAITHFUL.