Confession From This Mother’s Heart

Comparing.

As a new mom, I am realizing more and more, the danger of comparing my child to others. My wise sister told me recently that every kid is different, as we were discussing the different milestones that her 4 girls went through and my sister-in-law said the same thing. Not that this was new news to me, but I needed to be reminded of that.

This past week, I have been thinking more and more about what my sister said and I realized that even at the age of 2 1/2 months, I can easily be paving a path for Mazy to have to be like other kids. Of course she has no idea now, but I realized that as her mother, I need to be careful. If I start the comparison game even at her young age, when will it stop? When will I start to allow her to be Mazy? That realization was a wake-up call for me.

Do I really want to be that mom who compares my child’s grades to others? Do I really want to be that mom who compares my child’s milestones to others? Do I really want to be that mom who compares my child to the ways of this world? Do I really want to be that mom who compares her mothering skills to others?

What is so beautiful about Mazy Grace is that she is uniquely designed by our Heavenly Father. That is what is so beautiful about EVERY child – they are uniquely created to reflect their Father’s image. He designed each child, just so, to be part of His greater plan. It breaks my heart to think that I have allowed myself to start comparing little Mazy to other babies, like those babies you read about in books and magazines. Already. By comparing her, I am only telling God that I want things different. That she should be doing this or that already, instead of allowing her to be the person God created her to be.

Yes, I think as a mother you should encourage your child to do certain things, but if they are not ready, they just are not ready. When I look at little Mazy’s first few weeks of life, she did not have it very easy. For centuries, mothers have been able to breastfeed their children and so why wasn’t it working for me? I started to compare. But at that time, maybe mothers didn’t know they had a heart problem, or that they were ill. I am actually thankful all of that happened because it made me realize that every single mother is different. And every single child is different. Miss Mazy is now thriving when it comes to eating! She is now thriving after we figured out she had acid reflux! Who knew!

I do look forward to the day when Mazy sleeps through the night, but considering the fact that she sleeps from 10pm-4am on a regular basis, considering where she started life out as, I couldn’t be more thankful! Though the other night, as I sat quietly feeding Mazy her bottle, I realized that those quiet times will be no longer when she does sleep through the night. Those quiet nights of holding her, snuggled in my arms, as she guzzles down her 5 ounces, probably not even fully aware of what she is doing. That, I will forever treasure. One day that bottle will hopefully not be needed, but all in due time.

When the time comes for her to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand, and walk, I don’t want to have everybody else’s kids in mind. I want to have Mazy as her own success story. She will succeed when she succeeds at those milestones. What good is it to wish that time away? To wish her to accomplish something before the time is meant to be? This child has taught this mother more than I ever imagined. She has taught me to take a deep breath and allow her to just be Mazy. She has taught me that I can be selfish and wish for her to accomplish something that maybe she isn’t quite ready for yet. Mazy is perfectly designed for a very specific purpose in this world. Why try and make her to be like others?

And really, all of this has nothing to do with Mazy, but has everything to do with this mother’s heart. All of this comparing has nothing to do with what Mazy is doing, but has everything to do with how I thought things should go. But God has taught me life-changing lessons, through little Mazy. I should’ve realized that from the day she was born, that all expectations I had are just ridiculous and that I am only setting myself up to fail. Expectations ruin today. Expectations steal the joy of what is happening right now. Expectations birth worry.

I am finding that it is helpful to know what milestones might be ahead, but I am ready and willing to work with Mazy to help her reach those milestones on her own time – the time that God created specifically for HER. Why try to steal that time away from her? She will walk when she is ready to walk. She will sleep through the night when her little body doesn’t need that full bottle anymore (it amazes me what that girl can eat at 4 in the morning!).

It saddens me that I have already caught myself comparing. And I am sure every mother can probably say the same thing. I know the battle is not over, but here’s to celebrating our children for who God created them to be.

And little does Mazy Grace know how much grace this mama will need!