Explains, But Doesn’t Define

Have you ever learned more about a situation, realizing you now have the choice to let it simply explain or let it define you?

Anyone who has ever gone through a difficult situation in life, knows the feeling. It can either be a job change, a difficult medical diagnosis, or something unexpected. Yet the choice is up to us. We can either let it simply explain or let it define us.

That is how I felt yesterday after reading my written heart report from the doctor. I had just finished getting a pedicure, thanks to Dan’s wonderful Mother’s Day gift, and I received an email from the clinic. I decided to open it, figuring that it would just be a reiteration of what I already knew – that my valve wasn’t doing well and that further testing had to be done.

Well, that is what I read, but I think for me, it was that final dose of reality, which in a way, I wasn’t maybe quite as ready as I thought I was, to read.

Here’s the summary statement:

Pulmonary hypertension is new and significant increase in severity of mitral regurgitation.

Not that I am trying to dwell on this or bore you with simple facts of my heart problem, but I think for any of you, who have gone through medical situations, sometimes getting more clarity can either worry one more or put one at peace. When I received the paperwork to fill out for the new doctor at the University of Michigan, it was labeled “heart failure.” Then reading the explanation of my ECHO yesterday, with the words “severe mitral regurgitation,” “mild to moderate tricuspid insufficiency.” and “abnormal respiratory variation,” it was a just a reiteration of what we knew, really, but maybe a bit more “severe” than what we were assuming. It is a road we have been down before, but I realized yesterday, standing in the nail salon, that I had a choice.

I could let it give me a better explanation and clarity, or I could let it define me.

The past couple of months, I have maybe felt a few more symptoms, but I thought it was allergies and stress. Now looking back, it all makes MUCH more sense and explains why I have felt the way I have. I have been increasingly tired and winded, but the diagnosis explains why. I get winded going on a quick walk or bike ride, but the diagnosis explains why. I have felt short of breath a few times in the early morning hours, but the diagnosis explains why.

It all makes sense. This is why I am not a doctor folks – and I thought it was allergies!

But one thing the report doesn’t say is that I (in my mind) look perfectly healthy. My scars may say otherwise, but I am able to stand up everyday, stretch, see, hear, and touch to the perfect ability, all because of God’s grace. As my doctor said, I can do nothing to hinder or help it anymore right now, as it is what it is. But as my mom said, which she couldn’t MORE right, there is something we can do to help my valve – PRAY. Thank you, Mom! My valve has been miraculously healed before, and I am a believer in miracles. I should have died by the age of 5, but I lived til I was 17 – now THAT is God. No doctor can explain why, but I sure can. Just look up, folks.

This diagnosis has never and I will never let it define me. Last night I was pretty bummed, but I woke up this morning realizing that I have this beautiful daughter, husband, friends, and family, who I get to walk this life with. I get to live the most amazing life (in my eyes). And maybe there is a tough road ahead, but you know what? God already went there for me. He already knows. And I’m ready for it.

It is no mistake that we were told this news now, right before a huge life change. No joy stealing here, Enemy! He might as well step aside, out of my way, because CHRIST has won all and has conquered all. And no matter what happens in life, we can tackle it with the same attitude. By all means, I have my ups and downs, but I know it’s my choice to either look UP or down. To let it simply explain or define. God has already made the choice for me – I just have to choose to follow or not.

What in your life do you have to make the choice to simply let an answer give clarity or choose to let it define you? Make the choice today to keep looking up. I’ve learned today, that it’s the best choice you could make. The freedom that accompanies that choice, will truly make you feel like you are soaring like an eagle!