Learning To Embrace A Difficult Story
I told myself that this summer, I want to try and work on my next book.
I have said this several times in the past few years, but God, in His infinite wisdom and ways, has added many twists and turns, adding chapter after chapter, that I can’t help but want to write about, continuing a book that I started LONG ago.
And this is with all of our stories! Really, even after writing a book, the story still isn’t finished. In fact, when I finished my first book, “A Heartbeat of Grace” in 2018, I literally rubbed my hands together, washing them of that assignment, and moved on. Story complete, now back to normal life.
Ha!
And here we are, 8 years later, with a story I am still trying to process.
Yesterday morning, I sat in the quiet of our living room, opened up my book’s document, read the previous few paragraphs to get my mindset back in the moment of the story, and I completely lost it. Not just a tear here and there, but I wept. Trying to pen words to a story that is still incredibly painful to live through, left me without words. I lifted my hands from the computer keys, raised my chin up to God, and confessed, “God, this story is so hard to process, please give me the words!”
I set my computer aside, allowed the grief of walking through those moments again to just occur. Allowing myself to feel the loss. Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Feel the disappointment. When Dan came home for lunch, I shared some of the moments I was attempting to write about, and he too, was at a loss for words. How do I write about being on chemo the rest of the my life, going in every 6-8 weeks, for treatment for a full week, for THE REST OF MY LIFE? And then be told doctors were discussing a plan to send me to Mayo in Minnesota or Boston General in Massachusetts to have a double transplant – heart and bone marrow, at the same time?
To relive those moments, to allow myself to feel those again, has been hard, but this is why I feel so called to write another book! It’s going to take time and I have to tell myself that it’s okay. For in writing this, I am also healing from it all too. Writing, and specifically blogging, has been my personal journal, that I just happen to share with the world, and I just pray with every post and every page I write, that God would use it to glorify Himself. Expand His Kingdom. Draw someone closer to Himself.
So here’s my accountability post to say, I am going to do this! And the true reason I wrote this was to encourage YOU, my friend, to embrace your OWN story, and share your OWN story, in your OWN unique way! You don’t need to have a blog or write a book to do so. Share it intimately with friends. Tell your kids about your story. Share it with your spouse. Maybe even your church family or coworkers. Parts of your story might be REALLY difficult to share about, but maybe in that difficulty, is when you see God’s mighty and loving hand the most? It takes time to process and vulnerability to share, but don’t ever diminish what God is doing in your life!
As it says in Hebrews 10, to spur one another on toward love and good deeds, and I think that’s often through sharing our stories.
Don’t keep yours silent because YOUR story, is GOD’S story, through you!
