Leukemia Update

This week was a big week appointment-wise. I met with both my local and U of M oncologists, to talk about life after chemo and what the next steps are.

As my U of M oncologist said, “It is still a best-case-scenario.”

We were given much comfort and reassurance this week after a very long 6 months of fighting leukemia. When I was first diagnosed, I remember my doctors reassuring me that after 6 months, life would look different, and hopefully all of the treatments would be behind me. They were exactly right. The whole concept of fighting cancer was so foreign to me, but I had to trust what they said. And trust that God had a good and perfect purpose in this too. They said it would feel like a blur, and that’s exactly how it feels. I can’t even believe it all still happened. We had zero time to process it and I find myself still trying to do so.

This next step of waiting to see if the leukemia comes back, is probably the most worrisome at that same time. When I was going through treatments, I was actively doing something to fight the leukemia. I was putting forth all I had physically and mentally to fight it. Now? It is testing my spiritual heart all the more. Will I trust God with my every day, with every appointment, knowing there is nothing more I can do to fight the leukemia, except to just wait? I will go in for monthly blood draws and every 3 months for deeper blood tests, but that is it. There is nothing more I can do. That is a test of patience and peace. I don’t want to waste these next 2 years worrying and wondering, but to live them to fullest.

The chemo is out of my body, but the side effects will take months, and even years, to completely dissipate. The dry skin (eczema), hormone levels, still losing some hair, and lung issues . My blood levels have a little regulating to do yet too, but are looking fantastic, for only being a month and a half out of treatment. As my oncologist said, my body has done a very good job at rebuilding itself and that is nothing I’ve done, but it’s all God! It’s been his mighty hand.

My oncologist was talking about what the body goes through in those intense 6 months and it puts me in awe that God also designed our bodies to heal with his healing hand behind it all. To see my blood numbers improve with every blood draw, and to see some of those crazy side effects still improving, only draws my heart closer to him because all the more, I see His hand and the need to rely on Him.

My heart failure teams are working on getting my meds back up to where they were back in September, when they took me off all of my meds due to chemo. It was such an uncertain time back then, but as of now, I can’t tell you the last time I have felt this good. Who knew, after going through leukemia? I feel far better than I did even before I was diagnosed, which makes me wonder if I was starting to feel the effects of the leukemia, but had no idea I had it. It brings tears to my eyes, thinking about how God has allowed this much healing in my life. I know I still have major, major heart issues, but in feeling good, it makes it feel like I can conquer these heart issues all the more.

It has been a long journey and one that is far from over, but we see God’s hand in it all. My oncologist asked if we had anything to look forward to, which is a question they ask often, and I told her we were going to Florida for Spring Break. She was SO excited for us and reiterated how important that is. When I was first diagnosed, new doctors asked what I had to look forward to or a goal to work towards. We thought we would have to cancel our Spring Break trip (we booked it last Spring) because we didn’t think I would be healthy enough. But the more I went through the treatments, the more I wanted to make that my goal. And Lord-willing, we will be heading to Florida in 2 weeks.

It makes me cry. The first time my toes hit the sand, I may just lose it. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do that again.

God has just been so faithful. Like I’ve said before, it has been hard to trust him in the good too because it almost seems too good to be true. But He isn’t just a sovereign God in the hard times, but in the good times as well. We often think during the good times, that we can just do it on our own, but for me, it takes that much more trust because I have to let go of the idea of waiting for the next shoe to drop. We can enjoy that time away as a family and that is what we are looking forward to most. Time together. We spent WAY too much time apart the past 6 months and were constantly living in survival mode. Now we are working on coming out of survival mode and enjoying our time TOGETHER.

All this to say, my body is recovering extremely well from leukemia and over time, we pray it just continues to heal all the more. The appointments were incredibly encouraging, and now we just continue to entrust my life and my body to the one who is in control of it all.

Thank you for continuing to pray and walking this journey with us!