Matters of the Heart

Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that we are moving! And to MINNESOTA! But I say that with such JOY and those words are filled with much excitement. We are looking so forward to Thursday (when we leave for MN for the weekend) to see everyone again (knowing he has the job), meeting new people, and just start to create a life out there.

Last week our minds were going in all directions and we decided to make a list of things we would like to accomplish pronto. That has helped us organize what’s important now and what can wait. You’d think that after ALL this time, we would have some of this figured out, but trust me, when you don’t know where you are moving to, there is minimal planning you can do (except to just keep everything in boxes :)).

But in all honesty, our hearts are at peace. I haven’t felt so sure about something, like I have Minnesota, in a long time. Yes, we felt so sure that going through the gestational carrier process it was “sure.” And it was. Just because it wasn’t the outcome we were hoping and praying so hard for, we know it was right. Without all of these little events, without all the little decisions we had to make, we would not be where we are today – heading to Minnesota. That is why God’s timing is just SO SURE and perfect, even when it’s not ours.

I sit here today to just tell you to be patient. Be confident in God’s plan for you. Yes, I am saying this as I sit on the other side of the wonderings because we now DO know where God is taking us. But trust me, there are PLENTY more unknowns ahead of us. There are 1,000 questions that we do not have answers to yet I’m sure, but we rest in peace knowing God has it all figured out. We are doing our best to plan accordingly, but also trying not to jump OVER His plan.

God took us through 5 months of waiting to know where we are going, to bring us to where we are today. God took us through 11 months of planning for our babies through our gestational carrier, to only take them home. But I can say that we wouldn’t trade ANY of those months, for anything. The lessons we have learned. The people we have met. How our faith has grown. Sometimes we just cried and cried, wishing that our life’s circumstances were different. I will never forget sitting on our basement steps at our old house, with our heads in our hands, with tears just flowing. We did not understand. The pain was just so deep. It just felt like too much too soon. Yet we can look back on that and say God was still working. God’s ways were just so much better than ours – we just did not have the glimpse that God had – His eternal perspective.

How often we forget about the perspective God has on our lives. Time is not a factor to Him, yet it is one of the biggest components for us. Ever think about that? While we wish circumstances away, God gets excited because He sees how it is going to bring out HIS good. I think of the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9 which says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” We felt so weak. We did not have the perspective God had on our lives and we felt drained, depleted, and deflated. Yet God continued to use His power to create in us a new heart, a new perspective, and a new situation. For that, we are SO THANKFUL.

If you are sitting here today, wondering why God has you in the circumstance(s) He does, let me remind you that you are NORMAL. What is normal today, I don’t really know. All I know is that I am weird :). But one thing I do know, is that when we wonder why, that is our greatest opportunity to draw closer to Him. Your faith and trust in God may be rocky. God knows that. He knows EVERY thought. He knows EVERY little detail of your life. And He knows EVERY detail of YOUR FUTURE. So run to Him. God has used this waiting period to draw us closer to Him – again, something we wouldn’t trade. There were days when it was so hard to open God’s Word and read. But everytime I felt I didn’t have the energy or mindframe to do it, God would show me one of His promises and He kept drawing me back. Keep seeking Him. What matters at the end anyways? Eternal glory with Him and THAT is what He is leading you towards.

Don’t give up. Our timing isn’t His because we don’t have His eternal perspective. Trust the Person who does. God.