Matters of the Heart – On A More Personal Note…
Matters of the heart.
The other night Dan and I took a walk and kept talking about how crazy it is that we are living in MINNESOTA! (Not to mention we were absolutely FREEZING – all you could see were our eyes because we were so bundled up!) Back when Dan was unemployed, Minnesota never even crossed our radar until we saw an add that there was an opening for a youth director’s position. Now to think that here we are, living in a small town, getting to know such a wonderful church family here and most of all, the kids, is something we could’ve never orchestrated ourselves! Aren’t God’s plans just way beyond what we could ever imagine?
I am going to be honest.
Moving to another state or even “starting over” for that matter, doesn’t automatically take away the pain of the past, but God has used this transition to bring a LOT of healing. There was a baptism at church yesterday and everytime I sit in the pew, watching a child of God become part of the church family, I just tear up; whether I know the family or not. My heart automatically turns to thoughts of “what could’ve been.” Oh how I miss our two little ones at times! To think that Brenda would be 7 months pregnant right now, with two little ones just a kickin’, us reading stories to them, creating a bond that only flesh would separate, yet to only be reminded that God took them home. It is still hard to think about. Like I’ve said numerous times, they will always be a part of our life and they will always be our kids.
But God is bringing healing. I say all that with a belief that I KNOW this is what God feels is best. Understanding doesn’t always come easily, but God’s Word says that He works for the good and I can honestly say that moving to Minnesota is part of God’s “working for the good.” I believe too that full understanding of a situation (especially our babies) may not come this side of heaven. It has stretched us. Moving here has reminded both Dan and I of our love for each other, how we truly are each other’s best friend, and that we just LOVE kids.
This may come as a surprise to some, but I still feel a little introverted. I have mentioned before how much the past has made me more introverted and I have tried to overcome that, but it still lingers. Getting to know people for the first time is a step out of the comfort zone, but it has been so good for me. It has stretched me. It has encouraged me that God is NOT done with us. It has reminded me of the beauty of the family of God. Even though I can be fully content just spending time at home, I am reminded of just how much I love being part of youth ministry and a church (in our case churches). God is doing some mighty work in us!
As anti-technology as I can be, I have to say I am humbly thankful for the technology God has blessed us with. To see our families via Skype has been an incredible blessing. Even though life in Michigan continues and our families continue to live their lives, it is comforting to know that we can continue to “see” them, talk with them, and just express our love for each other through conversations and smiles. It is a blessing I didn’t expect, yet realize because of Skype (and the phone), it makes the transition 10x easier. If we ever miss our families, we know how to solve the problem! Of course Skype will never replace the physical presence of family or the hugs that go beyond words, but until then…I can handle Skype!
I guess what I am trying to say is that we are loving Minnesota. We really are. We are daily learning what it means to live life in a new place with two children in heaven, with a unique past that isn’t all that far behind us, yet live with the anticipation and thankfulness to God for bringing us here.
So many emotions. Yet very few tears. God has overwhelmed us with His love here both through others and through His presence in our lives. Who would’ve thought that Minnesota was where God would work so mightily in our lives :)?
