More Than Cancer Free

When I received the portal message last week that no trace of leukemia was found in my body, of course I cried, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do next? In a way, it was anticlimactic in the sense that I wasn’t in a doctor’s office, celebrating with my doctor. Dan wasn’t home, and I didn’t have a big ole bell to ring to signify I was done with treatments because I’m not. As the tears flowed, Mazy came running up to me and it was just how it was meant to be. That morning at school, I’m told she was proclaiming to many that I was cancer free! It was a tangible way of her seeing that her prayers were being answered. It was a gift of faith that morning and as stories came out of her telling friends at school, I saw that that moment was just as it was supposed to be. I still think about it today!

Later I received a message from my doctor stating the news and it’s the only time in life I feel like, when you want to read the word “negative”. Negative tests results. Why does our English language have to be so confusing?

But I want to be more than cancer free. I want to be more than free of cancer from my body. You see, cancer or any other unplanned or painful circumstance, can take over every ounce of who we are. It can not only debilitate us physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. I had glimpses of those moments throughout my journey thus far and also with my heart failure. I can allow the devil to steal the joy of life, right out from under me. And I REFUSE to let him win. I remember laying in the hospital bed during my 3 weeks at U of M and thinking those very thoughts. Through all of the tears, I felt the devil was winning. But he was only winning IF I allowed him to. It took mental, emotional, and spiritual effort to not let him get between my ears, but God sure answers prayer quickly when you ask the devil to get out!

I am SO grateful to be cancer free at the moment, but I also…

Want to be free of cancer in the sense that it doesn’t always take over my mind. I want the peace of God to be so overwhelming in me that when my mind gets stuck in the thoughts about cancer and heart failure, about what my future is going to look like, how sick am I going to get, will I need a transplant, etc., I can erase all of those worries with his peace.

Want to be free of cancer in the sense that it can’t and won’t rule my spiritual heart. Often hard circumstances make or break our faith. There are times when I have wondered if God was there, but he continued to show me he was. I don’t want cancer and heart failure to be my guiding light in life. I am made for SO much more. My sole purpose here isn’t to survive cancer and heart failure, but to give God glory along the way. And whatever God deems best for my life here on this earth, that is what will happen. I can’t change God’s mind nor his will, so I might as well rest in it.

Want to be free of cancer in the sense that it can’t separate me from God’s love. NOTHING. No cancer. No heart failure. No disease. Even death. NOTHING can separate me from the love of God! What comfort that gives me when it feels like circumstances are spinning out of control!

What do you need to be freed of? What consumes your mind? What consumes your soul? What consumes your emotions? What consumes you physically? If it’s anything other than God, we are allowing ourselves to be owned by that thing and God wants to give us a life of freedom, confidence, peace, and rest in Him. What a gift.