No Trace

Over the past couple of years, God has really challenged our faith. It seemed like medical issues were hitting us left and right and I suppose still are. I’m in the middle of my heart failure and cancer battle, and it has challenged us to the core.

One of my mottos throughout this whole journey has been to TRUST GOD. When difficult circumstances and trials come our way, we often think we need to just TRUST GOD. And of course! We do! But we often associate the phrase “trusting God” with difficult circumstances.

Not that I have accomplished that b/c surely my trust still waivers, but when I find it the hardest to trust God is when GOOD things happen. Could it really be happening? It’s too good to be true. Things don’t ever go this way. We are always waiting for the next shoe to drop. Can I trust God that when he allows good to happen, that he is still trustworthy and I don’t need to worry about the next “bad” thing happening?

That’s where my faith is at right now. My trust waivers with the good. I’m going to try and type this without blubbering all over the keyboard, but it’ll be hard not to.

Last week I had several blood tests while at the hospital and one of the tests was called a PCR (CBFB-MYH11) test, which is a fast and accurate way of detecting diseases such as leukemia (I think I described that correctly!) It basically detects any inversion 16 leukemia in my body. Now it’s not as detailed as a bone marrow biopsy would be, but close enough and let me tell you…

THERE IS NO TRACE.

As in 0.00000 (that’s how many zeros the test showed) and then the words “Not Detected” as the result.

Immediate tears started to flow as Mazy wondered what was going on this morning. My chemo is WORKING, by the grace of God. All of these side effects are proof that it is active and is working in my body! We could not be more grateful and humbled that God would choose to act this way in our lives!

So what does this mean? My sickness-fighting numbers are still at zero, so I am extremely susceptible to infection, so I have to be uber careful still. I will plan to go in for one more round of treatment at the end of January, to make sure it’s solidified. But what it really means, is that leukemia isn’t flowing through my blood anymore, all praise to God! Nothing I did, all Him.

And this is where I struggle to trust. I struggle to celebrate this fully because our experience as of late has been one of trial and pain. Can God be trusted in the good too and that he allows good to happen? I know that sounds so silly and so ridiculous (of course God does), but when you experience trial after trial, it almost feels too good to be true. So I need to choose every moment, to trust God in the good too. That He can work miracles in a body like mine, that has a whole lotta issues. I have to stop thinking that maybe a bone marrow biopsy would still show some and allow what God is showing us today, to sink in and remind me that He is worth trusting with the good.

Unfortunately next week I start readdressing my heart failure with my cardiologists, but until then, I want to trust that God allows GOOD TOO and that he’s worth trusting in this as well.

Please join me today in thanking and praising God for this incredible news! Words are hard to come by, but tears come easily. Incredibly humbling and God surely is worth trusting in the trials and the triumphs of life!

NO MORE LEUKEMIA IN THIS BODY! BOOYAH!!!!!!!!!