Choosing To See What Is

Choosing to see what is.

Do you struggle with this? Choosing to see what is? Or are you constantly wishing that life looked a bit different than it does right now? That circumstances would change? That your life was like someone else’s? I have personally struggled with this: choosing to see what is and not how I wish life would be. I have thought on a number of occasions, how I wish I could go back to a time in life when I didn’t have heart failure. When I didn’t have to worry about leukemia. Where I didn’t have to wake up and deal with the diseases that have plagued my life. But sheesh, what an exhausting way to live: wishing away what is and wishing for what was.

In choosing to see what it, I can choose to thank God and enjoy the life he’s given me, or I can choose otherwise. I have to remember that God HANDPICKED me, for a very specific assignment. An assignment that has included making his name known through heart failure and leukemia. Now granted, I don’t always understand or follow his thinking process, but I have to remember, he chose ME. I want to live this season of my life, and really my entire for that matter, well. I can’t see the full picture or the full outcome, but the God who chose ME, does. I can’t quit. I won’t quit. And I hope you won’t either.

Choosing to see what is today.

My daughter and I went on a bike ride the other night through town. I may be a little biased because I live here, but I think we live in the most beautiful little town! We biked past all the old houses, waving to those we pedaled by, looking for little details we hadn’t noticed before. While biking through the downtown area with quaint little stores, at the end, was our town’s splash pad. We biked by, and I heard Mazy comment on “how fun it would be to go through there right now, but we can’t.” She mentioned it one more time, and I finally put on the brakes and said, “Let’s do it! Why not?” So we turned our two wheels around and marched right into the splash pad at 8:00 at night. I’ll admit, my clothes stayed dry – hers? Not so much. Watching her light on her feet with a grin from ear to ear, daring herself to run through, having the place to ourselves. We created a memory. One we won’t forget for awhile.

That night, I went to bed thankful for that moment. I have the choice to see the day as it was, or to worry about the next. What tomorrow will bring. My friend, we can only carry so much. We can only carry the weight of today. And often our “todays”, bring much more peace, than trying to carry our tomorrows too. God has given us enough grace for this moment. This day. God has been faithful in the past, which means he will be faithful today. Lest we not forget that.

Choosing to still see God’s purpose.

God has a purpose for YOU. Like I said, he handpicked YOU, for a very specific purpose on this earth. There are times when I’m sure you want to give up; like take your ball and go home. Trust me, I’ve thought that plenty of times; especially recently. I feel like I’ve gone through all of the stages of grief, yet once again. The tears. The question of why. The wondering of what God is up to. I don’t understand. But I don’t want to get stuck. I want to choose to see God’s purpose for me. Just because my earthly hopes don’t seem to be part of God’s plan, like being DONE with leukemia, I can’t lose hope. My hope isn’t found in my circumstances, but in God alone. Your hopes may seem lost, but God isn’t and never will be. That’s why we have to place our hope in him and him ALONE.

Chose to see what is. Not what was. Not what will be. Choose to see what God is doing in the present. Let us not lose hope for fear of what may come, but hang onto the hope that God’s faithfulness will always stand and his perfect love and peace will always carry us through.

I know I need this reminder just as much as anyone. It has been a trying time. One of fear, wondering, and surprise. I can’t live for my next appointment, wondering if “that” will be the day I’m told I have leukemia again. No. I am meant to live for this present moment and God will take care of the rest. By God’s grace, each day we are here, each day we have breath, we can use it to proclaim his name and his goodness. What an honor and gift that is!