Oh To Be Vulnerable

Do you ever feel out of control?

I do.

I am a person who likes to have it all together. I like to have my house somewhat put together, I like to have things organized, I like to look halfway decent, and again, I do not like clutter.

I like to feel in control. I like to know what the next day is going to bring. I like to plan my week out. I like to know what is upcoming and plan for it accordingly.

Control is something I enjoy. I know planning and thinking about the future has it’s place, but control is the very thing that God continually teaches me to give up.

In releasing that control, I realize I become more and more vulnerable. More and more vulnerable to the very Person who created me.

And being vulnerable is where God has me.

It doesn’t take long for me to open up about my problems (as you can tell by this blog hopefully), but it has taken me a long time to be an open book. By being open, it offers the opportunity for people to criticize (which we have had our fair share of in our past), but it also opens the door to reach out to others. We would never know the people we do, if we never opened up. If we tried to control everything in our lives, we wouldn’t be where we are today. Trust me, we never thought we would be where we are – especially now with a daughter! But after releasing that control, we truly feel after allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, God has used that for the good.

And that is the lesson God continues to teach me in motherhood.

I never knew motherhood would change me the way it has – and all for the good! Of course after going through open heart surgery and IVF, you don’t have much modesty/dignity left when it comes to the body, but boy, I get what people say when they say it all goes out the window after giving birth. I thought it already was all out the window, but if you ever wonder something about any of those things – surgery, IVF, or giving birth, I am an open book.

You see, the more open we are as women to talking about these things, the more we can connect. I understand some people are just private people. I get that. I really do. And I try to respect that. I am probably the most polar opposite you can be from that, but I also feel that when you are vulnerable, you are able to build relationships, connect at a deeper level, and maybe help someone who has never talked to anyone about their situation before. It took me a long time to get to where I am at, but I look at the people I have been able to build relationships with, even from all over the country who I still connect with today, just because we chose to be open. I am not saying “oh, pat on the back Kristin,” but it was something we felt convicted to do. To be open about our life.

And now as a mom, I realize there are a million things I don’t know about parenting. Everyday is different, every child is different, and every situation is different. But, the more we talk as moms, the more understanding and relating that can happen. I am so blessed to be able to text or message people at the most random of times, to ask the silliest of questions! Thank you to those who field those questions frequently! But as moms, we have the opportunity to share with others that we ALL don’t have it all together and that we ALL don’t have control (as much as we like to think we do)!

So those days when I think this, this, and this is going to happen, God can all of a sudden throw that out the window. And for the person who likes to have things planned out, it’s a bit of a test, but boy is it good for me! So glad God knows better than I do.

The next time you wonder if anyone else feels the way you do or has gone through something similar, I am going to dare say that YES, someone has. But it is up to you to be open and honest with those around you.

To be vulnerable.