Overcoming Feelings Of Inadequacy

WARNING: Long post, but please read to the end.

I am sure we have all been there. Wishing we were someone different. Wishing we had an answer to everyone’s questions about our life – answers that made sense in their minds, not only our own. Wishing we looked different. Wishing…

I have been thinking oh, for the past I don’t know how many years, about how as women, we all too often feel we have to live up to this certain somebody. The thing is, WHO IS THAT CERTAIN SOMEBODY?

What caught my attention and has led me to write this post, is what Jennifer Aniston said in her essay she wrote on the Huffington Post called “For the Record”. What caught my attention was the fact that even Jennifer, an iconic woman in this day and age, struggles with the expectations that people lay on her and in fact as she said, is “fed up” with them. Fed up with the tabloids assuming a perfect story for their headlines, that once again, she is pregnant (and she is NOT). I am not sure how many kids she would have if every one of those rumors was true, but it would be countless I am sure. And this, is Jennifer Aniston. A Hollywood celebrity.

She goes on to say…
The message that girls are not pretty unless they’re incredibly thin, that they’re not worthy of our attention unless they look like a supermodel or an actress on the cover of a magazine is something we’re all willingly buying into. This conditioning is something girls then carry into womanhood. We use celebrity “news” to perpetuate this dehumanizing view of females, focused solely on one’s physical appearance, which tabloids turn into a sporting event of speculation. Is she pregnant? Is she eating too much? Has she let herself go? Is her marriage on the rocks because the camera detects some physical “imperfection”?

Now let me bring this back down to earth.

In a way, I too have felt like Jennifer Aniston. And I am sure you have too, if you are honest with yourself. Not the fact that people assume I am pregnant, but the feelings of inadequacy if I do not accomplish A, B, AND C.

For years, I felt inadequate because my body was not allowing me to get pregnant. Not for fertility reasons, but for heart reasons. We were getting past what people would call the “prime” years and I finally accepted the fact that indeed, it just wasn’t going to happen. My heart wasn’t getting any better. And even though as much as I tried to shove the feelings of inadequacy down, they still crept up. All too often.

Well, then God miraculously healed my heart! We got pregnant, and had our first earthly child. It wasn’t soon after having her, that the questions about when we would have another one, came. I also felt this pressure to look like I did before I was pregnant (thanks to magazines that I got in the mail telling me how to do just that). The thing is, breastfeeding did not work for me because of the medication I was on and I couldn’t exercise much because of my heart. A double-whammy. I had to get over it.

And now here I am, with the most perfect (in my eyes) 15 month old girl, working two days a week during the school year, with a body that just is what it is, and with a husband who loves me for who I am. I truly am so happy. Yes, there are days when I think oh man, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but who doesn’t? I do not have this career that is going to push me to the top. Actually I take that back. I do have a career. My career is to live the life GOD has called me to. I do not need to have a job title to have a career. My career is to serve the Lord through the path He has me on.

And THAT, is the lesson I need to continue to learn. That any feelings of inadequacy, is failing to see the worth that God has given me and failing to see the value in the path He has our family of 3 on. I do not need to have 5 children to feel successful or even have the magic number of “3” children (though, I feel we do have 3 children – it’s just that two of them reside in heaven).

I do not have to be a size 6 in order to accomplish what I need to do on this earth. I do not have to have this aspiring career in order to be successful. And yet those are the pressures that this world throws at us EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (And if you are a size 6, that is awesome! Seriously! I just chose a random number…)

The world will tell you one thing and trust me, you will NEVER succeed in eyes of the world. How depressing is that, right? Well, honestly, it should be depressing because that means you are living for something that will never be satisfied. We can choose to live for so much more. Choosing to live a life for Christ will give you that freedom, that release from the bondage of this world, that release from perfection. And it is the most FREEING and SATISFYING life. So if you struggle to feel adequate, let me remind you that you ARE adequate and that you can:

Let go of the feeling of having to prove yourself.

The only person you have to worry about pleasing is God. Okay, you may be thinking “I need to please my boss” and okay, yes you want to do a job well done, but really, you can only do so much. Let go of having to prove that you are worthy. Let your actions do the talking for you. If you are seeking after God and not yourself or things of this world, you will not feel the need to prove yourself.

See yourself as valuable.

Do you see yourself as valuable? Do you have an image of someone who is “worth more” than you? Are they married, with 3 children, have the magazine-looking house, and drive new cars? Is that what you see as valuable? The moment we let those things go, is the moment we will find value and freedom. I can promise you this – those people too, struggle with value. Don’t fall into the trap.

Realize your accomplishments do not define you.

Of course after having a child, the big ole question then was am I going to stay at home with our child or work? Honestly? I don’t care what people do! I work 2 days at a school and by all means I love my job, but it does not define me. Nor do I want it too. My worth is not found in my accomplishments. The moment I do that, is the moment I will start to feel like I am failing. Even gold medal Olympians, still want to accomplish more. If women want to work, great! If women don’t want to work, great! God doesn’t say in the Bible yes you should or no you shouldn’t. The Bible just warns us about idleness. What He asks is for us to live a life worthy of the calling in Him and you know what? Each of us has a different calling. Those self-defined accomplishments shouldn’t matter to anyone else. When I stand in front of God, I want Him to say “well done, good and faithful servant”. Servant, meaning serving GOD, not accomplishments or trying to please anyone else.

Let go of the worry about what others think of me.

I’ll be honest, I sometimes do wonder what other people think of me. I know I can be weird and a goofball at times, but it’s in those times, that quite frankly, I don’t care what others think of me. It’s when I try to dress to impress, talk about things that I really could care less about, but do just to prove myself, or try and be a certain somebody, that I worry about what others think. Let go of worry and the pressure. You have been judged far too many times in your life and I have too. Some of the things people have said to me have really effected me personally and are things I can’t let dig too deep or they will hurt again. But I shouldn’t care about those things. God has called me in this chapter of my life to be a mama, a wife, and a daughter of the King. I am not pregnant nor do I plan to be again. Did I ever imagine our life having only one child? Not in a million years. Did I ever imagine having a biological child? Not in a million years. We don’t feel called to expand our family. At this moment in time, we feel called to be a family of 3. And the moment we accepted that, I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of peace we felt.

So where are you at in life? Are you “fed up” in Aniston’s words? Are you single? Married? Children? No children? Career? No career? Two cars? One car? Apartment? House? You know what? The only thing that matters is that YOU are living the life GOD has called you to live. Don’t let the things of this world, tell you that you are inadequate. It is a dangerous and deep hole. Don’t let yourself step into it. It is a battle that we have to war against daily, but it is a battle worth fighting. Because YOU are worth it. Who you are is valuable. I used to think I had life figured out. I am sure I would be ashamed to read some of the blog posts I wrote years ago. God has called us each to unique situations and unique lifestyles. He’s the only one we should care about pleasing.

My friend, see the value in who “YOUR NAME” is.