Pride, Grace, & a Pandemic

Over the past few months, I’ve been fairly silent when it comes to talking about “the pandemic”. Shortly after the coronavirus hit America hard, I talked about how we have to “Let God Do the Rest”. God has given us some level of responsibility to care for ourselves and others, but there comes a point where we have to let him do the rest. And that is something I have clung to amidst my silence. I know some may disagree with me on this – the idea of being silent. But I wouldn’t say I am silent with those who know me. Ask me how I feel about all of the issues and injustices going on in our world and I would LOVE to have a conversation with you. But I struggle to have a conversation over a computer. Over a comment made. Over a post. I’m just not sure that’s the best way for me to show the love of God in a tangible way. Some are REALLY good at it – I can’t say that is my gift. Give me face-to-face.

Being a blogger, I have struggled with the balance. When do I speak up? When do I remain silent? Some would say shout opinions from the rooftops and I’m pretty sure, that’s what they have done. But again, I’m not sure that’s the best way for me to make God known in this broken world.

I want to shout about HIM, not my opinion.

In the end, my opinion isn’t going to matter. It just isn’t. And neither is yours. Now do I think we should talk about what God is convicting our hearts of? ABSOLUTELY because God has graciously given us wisdom and relationship with others. God has created us to be in community and to discuss matters of the heart. But the question is, are our hearts attuned to his? And the one thing I find that is constantly in the way:

PRIDE.

My friend, I can be so freaking selfish. For real. I start to think that what I think, is right. Have you ever thought, “If only everyone thought that way I did…” to yourself? Seriously now. I’ll be the first to admit I have! Yet I’m wrong ALL THE TIME. Just ask my 5-year-old daughter! I’ve lost count how many times I’ve had to admit to her I’ve been wrong.

And now try doing that with adults – admitting you’re wrong. It ain’t easy folks! And that is where I feel we are crumbling. That is where I have crumbled.

My heart is crying for our nation and our world over the mere fact that we are ALL searching for the “right” answers, the right way of living, and thinking we have the right way figured out. Can we just STOP? Can we just all admit WE DON’T KNOW? And that we all need to just live life with a little more of GOD’S GRACE?

The very thing we are searching for is the very thing we may never have the answer to. NEVER. Because WE are not the holders of it. GOD IS. What we need to be searching for is the very God who is omniscient, is slow to speak, and is slow to become angry. The very God who HAS all the answers.

My friend, what has happened? The arguments I have seen on social media. The language used. The “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitudes. The claim to know. The claim to be right. My heart grieves and my heart has struggled to know how to put it into words. Thank goodness the Holy Spirit can interpret our groans and longings of our hearts because I struggle to put that grieving into words. Hence my silence.

Now have I agreed with all that has been ordered, demanded, and recommended because of the pandemic? Okay, here’s my two cents: I have not. Is there a way to make my opinion known? I believe through the right avenues, there is, which I think is important to a certain degree. Do I wonder why in the world God is allowing all of this to happen? I’ve got both hands raised! But that is where I’m wrong. Again. I’ll raise both hands in questioning what in the world God is allowing, but am I instead, raising them in honor and surrender to him each time I do?

Am I willing to give up my own will, my own thoughts, to surrender to his? Don’t get me wrong, again. I think there comes a point where we should stand up for what we believe to be right. But what I am asking myself is this: have I first surrendered it all to GOD. Or am I seeking to be right first? It all goes back to that attuned heart. Have I put my selfish ways and my desire to be right, aside? If my heart is completely in line with God’s, the answer will become clear. And that may be that there is NO answer at all. If that’s the case, will I be okay with it?

It’s pride, my friends. And I have a lot of pride to rid my heart of. That is why I need to daily be in the process of shedding my selfishness and clothing myself with his grace and love. In doing so, my prayer is that others will see the love and grace not of me, but of Him. And that is something I do not ever want to be silent about. I want my life to scream love and grace – a reflection of his character. But all too often, I get in the way.

I once heard this quote:

SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE SEEKING TO RIGHT.

That is something I try to ask myself often. What is my motive? To share my opinion? Or to seek to understand? Why do I open my Bible? To seek to be right? Or to seek to understand?

Some things in life I choose to be silent about. Not in the sense of being fearful of argument or conflict, but for the desire to want to share the love of God and the grace of His sovereignty, power, and character in the appropriate manner. To seek to understand before seeking to be right. I’ve been silent because I’m still seeking to understand. I don’t have the answers. But one answer I do have is THE ANSWER.

A challenge I want to leave you with is this:

Is what I’m going to say bring people closer to God or further away?

May our lives, our words, and our actions, reflect the goodness, the grace, the forgiveness, the humbleness, the gentleness, the patience, and the kindness of God!