Taking A Look Back At Being A Mom
I always enjoy looking back at past blog posts. As difficult as it is sometimes, it reminds me of where God has taken us and where He is leading. As I said before, May is a reminder of where we have been (with kids), but also a reminder of where God is leading.
Here is what I wrote last May:
With Mother’s Day approaching, it can be an occasion that can bring such
mixed emotions for so many people. Last year, Dan and I were in South Carolina
and we were so at peace with Mother’s Day. There was a reading that we had gone
through at the church we attended down there and it talked about how
“mothers” are everywhere – you can be a mother in so many ways!
Working at a Christian bookstore, there have been a few people who have said
“Happy Mother’s Day” to me. Not gonna lie, it’s a wierd feeling and I
feel a little sheepish when they say it for some reason. Well, I suppose b/c I
am officially not one yet. But I just take it b/c I don’t want to go into the
whole story (there is a time and place for everything – thank you
Ecclesiastes!) Well, today I went on a cleaning rampage at work and two ladies
mentioned how I was “nesting.”
Honestly, I had no idea what that even meant – sadly enough they had to
explain it to me :). But apparently it’s preparing to have children – preparing
for the kid stage. The more I thought about that, the more I thought yeah, I
really am nesting! I go on decluttering rampages at our house – I look in every
area and see if there is something I can get rid of, recycle, or repurpose. I
think of our spare bedroom, how we may have to turn that into a nursery someday
– shnikees, what am I going to do with everything that’s in there? We talk
about our schedules – we discuss how having a child(ren) may change it a
little, but how we also want our kids to be flexible. I don’t know what life
will look like after I am done preparing my “nest” but I know that
God is preparing us for something. Whether that is our own kids or having kids
some other way.
Last year during Mother’s Day we weren’t even really thinking of kids. We
had other things we were thinking about and we were content. This year, we wait
in anticipation for what may be ahead. We are excited. Today at Dan’s parent’s
house I was holding one of our nephews and Dan said “you are ready to be a
mom.”
parents? Then again, at this time next year, we could be a family of two – Dan
and I. SO THANKFUL that God has got that all under control – we often talk
about being parents, but know that despite what happens, the conversations we
are having, are for a purpose – it’s just uncertain what that purpose is right
now.This is a post I did on being a mom last year…
I was thinking about how to describe today. I opened up my email and saw I had a facebook message from my friend Kelli. She wanted to let me know about a quote she heard today and she thought of us:
So, what IS a mom?
Carrying a baby obviously makes you a mom, but I also agree with the statement above. If we weren’t given this opportunity and we chose to adopt, I would still consider myself a mom. I think a mom is someone who unconditionally loves a child. I say A child because I think someone can be a “mom” to someone whether they gave birth to them or not. I think of those kids out there that are fostered or just watched over in absence of their birth mom – I think they often call that other person “mom.” I will say that no one could ever replace the role my mom has in my life – I have been incredibly blessed to have an INCREDIBLE mom. For me though, knowing that I will not give birth to a child, does not diminish the fact that Lord willing, I will be a mom someday. If it is God’s will, we may have a child put in our arms – our own child. The moment that child is in my arms, I will love that child unconditionally. The moment that child is conceived, I will love that child. The moment someone is in my life, I will try to love that person unconditionally. Not that I am our youth group kids’ mom, but when they are in our house or we are watching over them, I try to love them unconditionally. A mom I feel is a mentality. It is a selfless love given to a child. Dan and I pray that God will one day give us the privilege and blessing of loving on our own child. If this process doesn’t work, we know God has a better plan for our life. We do know God is preparing us to love a child – whatever avenue that may be – whether it’s to just continue loving our youth group kids or to have our own child someday, that is up to God.
are now back to wondering what God has in store for us. This time around
though, we are parents – to two little kids in heaven. It is hard to sometimes
think about that because sometimes I so desperately would love to hear them
cry, to giggle, to smile, to hold. But God had a different plan. Sometimes our
arms feel so empty – and because they are. But they feel fuller than what they
have ever been. Even though we can’t hold them, we hold them so close in our
hearts and minds. Our arms feel full because we know that God has blessed us
with being “parents.” Being a mom may not mean the same for everyone, but it
does mean loving on whomever God has brought into your life. And right now God
has blessed us with youth group kids to love on. What a blessing and what a
gift in a time where our arms are physically empty of our own children, but our
arms are full of love ready to give.
