When I Was Scared To Talk To God

This is the picture that I can’t get out of my head. But it was also the moment I was scared. Scared to talk to God because I was scared to believe what I felt him putting on my heart.

Can you relate? Have you ever felt God prompting your heart towards something? Feeling God nudging you to do or not do something? Sensing God speaking to you so loudly that you wonder if it’s even real? Hearing His voice, but it almost cautions you to take a step back for fear of what it might mean?

One evening while camping last week, I headed down to the beach to watch the sunset. As you can see, it was a bit cloudy, but I decided to stick it out to see what picture God would paint that evening. As the sun fell below the horizon, this beautiful glow peaked through the breaks in the clouds. As I watched the last sliver disappear, as I shared on Facebook last week, I felt God saying “New Beginnings”. This welled up many emotions in my heart and to be honest, it made me scared. I still struggle with being scared to have hope again. And I was scared to ask God what he meant by “new beginnings”. I was scared to be vulnerable fear of getting my hopes up again.

As I slowly made my way back to the campground, my eyes filled with tears and I whispered, “But I’m scared, God, I’m scared to ask what this means.” I’m scared of what He will ask of me. I’m scared of what He will allow. Will I be able to do it? Will I be able to get through it? Will he equip me? But the moment I told him I was scared to ask, my body was washed over with a peace and giddiness that I haven’t felt in a long time. And I only need to look back over my life and realize that yes, indeed, he will provide!

My friend, God doesn’t want us to be scared to talk to him! I’m ashamed to admit that I was. Is your faith really that shallow, Kristin? The vulnerability I felt with my Father that night created an angst, brought to you by fear. And oh how unhealthy that is – something I am working fervently on in my own life. I am realizing how much fear I have been living with – even though I never saw myself as a fearful person! Sheesh Kristin, how could you not see it? It has crept into the depths of my heart and like I said, I am diligently trying to throw that fear right back at the creator of fear himself. Enemy FLEE in Jesus’ name. I have no clue what God has in store for me. I have no idea what my tomorrow holds and what new beginnings he has for me. But what I do know, is that just as the sun sets, the sun will also rise the next morning. And in those sunrises, come new opportunities, new moments of growth, new ways to glorify our God, new beauty to behold.

I once heard it said, if you’re not dead, you’re not done. I know, a bit morbid! I sometimes feel like I’ve got 9 lives, but even that is putting God into a box. He has done some crazy things in my life, but you know what? He has done some CRAZY things in your life too. Such crazy things that maybe you’re scared to ask him what’s next? But to that I say, that’s where we need to reframe our pasts and see that even though experiences often make us assume something bad will happen, it doesn’t mean that it will. Our God is Healer. Waymaker. Deliverer. Peacemaker. Hearer. Seer. and Doer.

Don’t be afraid to go to him. I was nervous to admit that I was scared to go to God and ask him what he meant. And maybe you have felt that way too. Is God REALLY asking me to do that? What will people think? What will people say? But when you come to him in fear, He will only grip you even tighter and remind you of His truths that we have no reason to fear:

Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

So the next time you see a sunset and feel God prompting you towards something, or when you’re driving and you hear a song on the radio and God is stirring your heart in a way you can’t deny, or when you’re lying in bed worrying about what tomorrow holds, remember that each day is a new beginning and you are here for it! He WANTS you here for it. He has already equipped you for it. He will uphold you and strengthen you, my friend. No matter what life may bring, he’s got you.

And this, I’m preaching to myself, folks.