When It’s More Than Just A Diagnosis

When I was diagnosed with cancer almost 4 years ago now, we had NO clue what it would mean for years to come. When they say a cancer diagnosis changes your life forever, there is much truth in that. But the thing is, it’s more than just a diagnosis for the patient. It’s a diagnosis for the entire family.

I share our story in hopes of helping other families not feel alone or help them know that this is part of the journey. For in sharing how my diagnoses have affected Mazy, that you can find hope and understanding in your story as well.

In Kindergarten, Mazy started to show some signs of anxiety, which we could see at home, but it manifested itself mostly at school. Her teacher was INCREDIBLY understanding and we did all we could to get her into the building each morning. By the end, sometimes we were both in tears. Same story in 1st grade, which meant it was time for us to seek help. She saw a counselor in Kindergarten and then we moved to a more permanent one in 1st grade, where she was also diagnosed with an attachment disorder with anxiety. (This was all before I was diagnosed with cancer). This was all as a result of abrupt hospital stays for my heart failure, open heart surgeries, and numerous ablations, which at that time, I was border lining a heart transplant.

Then cancer hit. Right away, everyone in our circle thought, how in the world is Mazy going to handle this? Thankfully we had a plan set in place, and thanks to our school, she actually FLOURISHED. At home she was able to let her emotions go, but that girl was so incredibly brave, having to once again, say goodbye to Mom for months to come.

Fast forward to today. Dan left for convention with our youth group this morning, and moments like these, remind us that cancer is more than just a medical diagnosis. It affects every area of life, including kiddos, for years to come. Mazy wrote several notes to Dan, followed him everywhere around the house (literally), asked to do everything with him under the sun, and would slowly let her emotions get the best of her. When one of us walks out the door, in her mind, she truly can’t envision when that person is coming back because for her, her experience tells her, it may be weeks. Even a month. And then her mind tells her, maybe they will never come back. That’s her reality.

Mazy is an emotional child and values relationships in a unique way at her age. Her desire for love, friendship, and relationship, is a direct result from being forced to learn some really hard lessons at such a young age. An age where her brain literally didn’t have the capacity or capability to process the events God allowed in her life. Are there long nights? Absolutely. Are there many tears? Of course. Mazy is so afraid of falling asleep on her own because she’s worried one of us will be gone when she wakes up. That’s her reality. But oh sweet girl, oh how you are loved!

So why do I share all of this? Because maybe your child struggles with this too. Maybe you’ve had some really difficult circumstances happen in your life that you are still feeling the effects of. ALL children struggle with SOMETHING. All children desire that same feeling of belonging, love, and safety. It’s just that sometimes God allows circumstances in their lives that He will use in their future, to draw others to Himself. And that is what we hope for Mazy. That all of the anxiety she carries with a parent being gone, will draw her closer to God, her need for Him, and that one day, she can use it as a testimony of His faithfulness in her life. We were warned, back in 1st grade, that she will experience many ups and downs because of her story, and they were exactly right. But in many ways, this just makes us love her all the more.

How about you? How have the experiences your child has gone through, grown them? Challenged them? Challenged you? We are not in control of what God allows, but God also allows all things for a purpose, even though it’s hard walking through them. But God has this insane plan for our lives, AND our kiddo’s lives, that He will use to bring others closer to Himself.

But know that you are never alone.