Writing To Remember

This season of life, I could have never prepared myself for. But God has.

Coming out of treatment for leukemia last winter, I thought I was done. I was so certain. It felt like I checked the box and could move on to the next thing. I thought I would never have to look back on cancer again, until June. The zero became a positive number; it was only time. And now that time is here.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t counting down the days till hospitalization for the bone marrow transplant. But little did I know, that our daughter was doing the same thing, carrying the deep grief, the weight of this reality, and sorrow in her heart, as much as we are. We try to protect her and shield her from the pain of what’s to come, but there is no denying it. A month without seeing mama will be our biggest test yet. And it feels like it too. The tears are thick, the pain she carries knowing she won’t see mom for a month, is difficult to comfort. Because we grieve too.

The other night was a doozy. Many tears rolled down her cheeks and as much as I just wanted to tell her it’s going to be okay, we don’t know that, but what we do know is that mommy is going to fight hard. God is going to take care of mommy. And mommy is going to try and bust out of that hospital as fast as she can, just like last time. And maybe even try to set a record – #goals.

Unfortunately, we know what’s coming to a certain degree, but God knows this too and continues to provide the daily grace we need to keep taking one step at a time. Sometimes that’s all we can take, as our weary souls seek to find rest in His perfect and sovereign plan.

This space and place on this screen has become a way for me to remember. Remember the journey God has led us through. To remember those who have walked beside us in and through it. A place to trace the finger of God throughout our story. His faithfulness is woven into every blog post written, in His own unique and kingdom story way.

And so I post this to remember this in-between time. The waiting. The wondering. The desire to be willfully obedient in this chapter of our lives. And also the feeling of immense gratitude that I have for a chance to fight this again – and work towards a cure.

We continue to rely on his never-failing faithfulness and are in awe of what he’s already done. And we know he will do this all for his good, again and again.

What in your life, could you have never prepared yourself for, but God has? Remember, he always equips us for the journey. ALWAYS. How has God used the circumstances in your life, to draw you nearer to Him? In what ways have you felt yourself in a deeper relationship with God because of what He’s allowed in your life? Where have you seen His faithfulness?

Let us not forget what he has done so that it can spur us on to believe that he will do it again. Because that’s who He is. Faithful. Trustworthy. Sovereign.